Things I Know to be True

A brief list:

• The relatively new album by The Lumineers, Cleopatra, is PHENOMENAL (thanks Maddie, if you're reading this, for introducing me)
• Working at an ice cream shop is fun but not very lucrative (like, at all...)
• I may be getting cavities from said job
• Donald Trump is either the biggest doofus or the smartest con artist I've ever seen, but either reality is terrifying
• Urban Decay makes really good lipsticks
• JoJo picked the wrong Bachelor (!!! so mad about this !!!)
• A lot of bad stuff still happens in the world and some people are really sucky but sometimes people do nice things or are just genuinely good people, and the world is just a little bit better

This post was brought to you by a sheer lack of motivation to do anything else, and peach iced tea.

Example #1 of some really good people, my freshmen hallmates

Example #2: NKE fam, the best & brightest

Example #3, last but certainly not least, my real fam <333

How to Deal

Note from the Author: I recently posted the following blog on Facebook, but I thought I would put it here as well for everyone else in the big wide world that might see this and need it. Also, here's a quote from Harry Potter that I saw brought up again on Facebook, that really touched me - "Do not pity the dead, Harry. Pity the living, and, above all, those who live without love."

What happened in Orlando over the weekend has taken a toll on many and has caused many of us to (re)open our eyes to the consequences of our country's stance on gun control. I said before that while thoughts and prayers mean a lot, they just aren't enough anymore. What needs to happen is action. If you think that nothing is being done to prevent these atrocious crimes, do something about it. Seriously, it won't take long or much effort, but every voice counts.

This website will tell you how your state senators voted in regards to background checks for rifle purchases. Elsewhere on the website it will also tell you if your senator is one of the many who've received funding from the NRA. If this displeases you, tell them. Don't stay silent.
http://everytown.org/senate-votes/
https://www.contactingthecongress.org/

Yet another thing you can do is sign a White House petition to end the sale of AR-15 weapons to civilians, who, in my 100% biased opinion, do not need to be in the hands of civilians at all, no matter the fact that they are "highly accurate and customizable weapon[s]... sought after for hunting" (taken directly from another petition opting to disregard this petition).
https://petitions.whitehouse.gov/petition/ban-ar-15-civilian-ownership

It's just too much to keep seeing these things happen, so much and so often that we're becoming desensitized to it. The day we all become numb is the day all hope is lost. Please please please don't let this become just another headline.

EDIT: In wake of all of this politicizing of a mass shooting, please also don't forget the people who died in Orlando. Please don't forget that, despite your opinions on LGBTQA+ rights, these were people just the same, and they had people who loved them.
http://www.cnn.com/2016/06/13/us/anderson-cooper-reads-orlando-shooting-victims-names/index.html

9 Things I Learned from Staying in a Cabin for 48 Hours for No Reason

In case you were wondering what it's like to go on what is an essential "stay-cation" in your hometown, literally 5 minutes away from the Chipotle you used to always go to before one was built closer to your house.

1. You will have neighbors, even if you're staying at the cabin in May before Memorial Day and it's a rainy weekend during which no one in their right mind thinks to go "camping."

Somewhere, not really in the middle of nowhere, but still

2. Usually the aforementioned neighbors will not make themselves known until you want to go to sleep.

Us, not amused

3. You'd be surprised how bold these deer can be.

I didn't get a picture of the deer, but one walked on THAT VERY PATCH OF DIRT right before our eyes

4. Wood paneling is still (very much) a thing.

It was EVERYWHERE

5. S'mores taste better when your brother makes sure you come outside and make them with everyone else instead of staying inside for fear of mosquitoes (and other creepy crawlies).

6. The only pictures you should be taking are with a Polaroid or Polaroid-ish camera, for #aesthetic reasons. I made that rule up, but I also broke it a few times. It's cool.

7. Don't go in rivers barefoot, there's sewage in rivers, it's a thing, trust me. But I mean, if you're fearless, you do you, boo.

8. Your sister will ask you to watch "Fight Club" with her, reminding you throughout the day that you have plans to do so, and then promptly fall asleep 20 minutes into the movie, but that is no reason not to do it anyway.

9. You could probably do it again because it wasn't actually *that* bad, and the excuse to play board games with your family even if you think you're too old for them is a good enough reason to come back.

Gotta love my fave weirdos

I'm a Free Woman (!!!)

Since I wrote last, I've finished my first year of college!!! Looking back, it was harder than I realized at the time because all I was focused on was getting through it as successfully as possible. But I did it! Not being one to toot my own horn that often, I must say that I'm pretty proud of myself for everything I did this year, not the least of which was making some really great friends. I miss them already... But like, I can do things like drive and sleep when I'm home... So I guess I'll just see them in August!

But anyway, my summer has already begun now that my academic year is over. Currently, I'm in the process of getting a job, as well as planning a few trips that are coming up very soon. It's fun while also being kind of stressful, which is kind of how I imagine adulthood to be. Also, upon my mom's not so subtle suggestion, it's apparently time to transition my bedroom from high school to college. Or, in other words, get rid of all my useless crap and make it look nice for once. Which I have mixed feelings about. On one hand, I love my useless crap, otherwise I wouldn't have kept it for the past few (many) years. On the other hand, I've watched A LOT of HGTV recently. I'm kind of ready for this.

Speaking of changes, I'm feeling very... open to change, I guess you could say. In addition to completely overhauling my entire bedroom, I'm feeling incredibly inspired to try lots of other new things. For example, I've traditionally avoided classic books, like 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea, and Phantom of the Opera, and yet, I bought both of these two days ago. Also, my hair has gotten incredibly long (I'm talking touching-the-top-of-my-pants long) and I desperately want to chop it off, despite the fact that I've wanted hair this long my entire life and have never had a good experience with short hair. WHO EVEN AM I? Here's to hoping my entirely out-of-character impulses don't end badly!

I just wanted to write because I haven't in a while, and it felt kind of necessary. Hopefully this summer will be interesting enough that I'll have reason enough to write more. I will also hopefully break out of this literary rut in which all I write about are life updates instead of stuff that is of actual merit and is, I don't know, fun. But we'll see. :P

To leave you, here's a link to an Adele song that I am listening to right this very second that I love already. Seriously, it's awesome. Ugh, what can't this woman do?

Is Anyone Out There?

If you're reading this right now, I want to extend a virtual hug to you for sticking around even though I am the literal worst. The last time I wrote for this platform was in 2015, for New Year's. That's awful, if I say I have a blog, I should damn well write for it! So that's why I'm here today, because even though I have so much school and extracurricular work to do I'm actually dying a little bit more everyday, the guilt for neglecting Slow Lane was eating at me just a tad more.

So yeah, here we are.

I'm currently 3 weeks away from the official end of my first year of college. Which is CRAZZZYYY. It's insane how fast this year has gone by, and what I've managed to accomplish in the span of 9 months. I've joined a music sorority, become a staff writer for a campus art/fashion/photography magazine called ROCKET, and gotten involved with various miscellaneous things around campus that I never would've believed I could do a year ago. I've taken classes that have pushed me to intellectual, musical, and physical limits, which scared me at first, but now excites me when I can accomplish something I doubted I could in the beginning. Just as an example, one of my classes is Intro to Stage Lighting, which I stupidly thought would be easy. Instead of being easy, I've put in more labor hours than I've ever done in my entire life, and got over my intense fear of heights in the process. Even though it's the most intense class I'm taking, I've learned the most from it. Even if I'll never really admit it.

This year, I've also made some really great friends. The sisters in my music sorority, Nu Kappa Epsilon (NKE for short),  are astounding, wonderful, glorious people that I'm so lucky to know, and I couldn't be more grateful to them for creating a place and an organization that's allowed us all to feel comfortable being our 100% true selves. It was weird, at first, because I was new and didn't really know anyone, but slowly and surely I was able to connect with so many of the sisters. I have my "family" that I love, and people who aren't part of the fam that I also greatly appreciate for how welcoming and friendly and genuine they are. I'm so, so glad I found at least one little corner of my school to which I know I can always come back.

My fam, the greatest there ever was

The WHOLE NKE fam, <3 (less-than-three)

(Most of) my pledge class, fabulous as ever

In addition to NKE, my hallmates have been absolutely amazing. I live in one of the smallest freshmen dorms on campus, and as a result, nearly all of us have gotten to know each other pretty well. I didn't realize that was abnormal until I talked to people from other dorms who didn't even know the names of everyone on their floor, let alone their entire building. So I'm glad I've had this random, wonderful  bunch of weirdos to live with and get to know better. Every single one of them, even the ones I don't speak to as often, has contributed something pretty great to the dorm dynamic, and being a person who can appreciate a heartwarming communal atmosphere every once in a while, I couldn't have gotten luckier with my dorm arrangement. Next year is really going to be hard, not being around them as much. But I'm glad we had this year. <3

You know friends are good friends when they get burgers with you for your birthday when your birthday is during finals

Snowed in, watching Broad City, stealing my dill chips, it's casual

Fancy dinners for fancy people (*jokes*)

A complicated arrangement in which the loser of  a Yu-Gi-Oh battle would also lose a game of Assasins. Idek. 

But yeah, as the year winds down, the work sure as hell doesn't. I'm going on my fourth hell week in a row. That's a month of non-stop ridiculousness that I've only barely gotten through. Just this past weekend, I pulled an all-nighter from Sunday to Monday trying to finish a paper for one of my classes, and even though it was cool to be able to take a shower at 7 AM but not have to wake up for it, I hadn't been that tired since graduation season. Actually that might be a lie, it was probably earlier this school year, but I try to block painful memories. Anyway, I'm just excited for the summer. For me, it officially starts May 4th, and I don't have to be back at school until the end of August. Somehow I feel like I'm cheating the system, with a break that long. But I mean, don't look a gift horse in the mouth, amiright?

As for next year, I have a few plans up my sleeve. I intend to rush a social Greek sorority, which will be stressful but fun. I'll also be the Features Editor for ROCKET, which will also be stressful, but I'm going to try my hardest to make it worth it. I don't know if I'll become a big and take a little for NKE during the fall, but I definitely will by the springtime. (Don't hold me to that, though, I feel like I don't yet know what I'm getting myself into....) Also! I did a piece for ROCKET about people who do shows for the campus radio station, and it fascinated me. I'm very intrigued, and I kind of want to try it out, even if I'm limited to playing only songs my parents will know because they'll be my only 2 loyal listeners. I'm cool with that. I just want to get involved, but we'll see. My goals for next year are to do well academically, and get super involved with extracurricular activities, like I was in high school. I don't know how to not be busy, what can I say? ;P

Pathways from the Wren towards my ***bright*** future

I'd end this post here, but I feel like my legions of loyal readers will be disappointed if I don't arbitrarily state my favorite songs at the moment. So here's a ~*brief*~ list.

Carry You - Phillip Larue
Barcelona - George Ezra
Slow Dancing - Two Worlds
Elizabeth Taylor - Clare Maguire
(Girl We Got A) Good Thing - Weezer
All Downhill from Here - The Summer Set (their entire new album, Stories for Monday, is amazing btw)
When Did Your Heart Go Missing? - Rooney (an oldie but a goodie)
Chronic (The Knocks High in Harajuku Remix) - Phoebe Ryan (I quite literally cannot stop myself from dancing to this, it's such a good remix)
Tilted - Christine and the Queens
Where You Are - Hillsong Young & Free (Sometimes Christian Rock has deceptively good beats also I didn't know this was a Christian song until just now)
Loch Lomond - Peter Hollens (an a cappella group on campus sings this as a senior goodbye song and it's absolutely stunning)
Send Me on My Way - Rusted Root
Come and Get It - John Newman
Can't Sleep Love - Pentatonix
WHERE THE HELL ARE MY FRIENDS - LANY (they capitalized it like that, not me. But I agree)
The entire new 1975 album, which I will review in full at a later time, but oh my GOD it is so GOOD (link is one of my favorite songs from it)
Post-Breakup Sex - The Vaccines
Teenage Idol - The Vaccines
Virgins - Death from Above 1979 (Sam, if you're reading this, I only know this band bc of you, so thanks)
White is Red - Death from Above 1979
All My Friends - Snakehips, Tinashe, Chance the Rapper
River - Leon Bridges
Gold - Kiiara
The Rules for Lovers - Richard Walters
Leave a Trace - CHVRCHES
Lemon Eyes - Meg Myers
All I Wanna Say - Lontalius

I'll stop here, for real now. Although I haven't recommended songs in so long, I could honestly keep going and make this ridiculously long post even more ridiculous. But I digress.

The important thing is...
 I'M BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER*

 (*overstatement, but like, whatever)

New Year's Eve is For Sequin Sweatpants

Let me preface this by saying I've always kind of loathed New Year's. I never saw the sense in celebrating the end of something good in favor of welcoming something unknown. The older I get the more I realize the allure is more about an excuse to wear outrageous amounts of glitter and drink fizzy things from fancy cups.I hate sentimentality when it means change, because change is one of the things I hate the most. However, I think this year is an important enough year to reflect on, for a lot of reasons. I want to keep this a relatively short piece, though, given that we've all got things to do for New Year's Eve, and not a whole lot of time to dedicate to some dumb 19-year-old's blog. So, on with it then.

2015 was probably one of the weirdest years of my entire life. Don't get me wrong, I loved nearly all of it, but I've never experienced a year like this before, and I probably won't ever again. This year, I graduated high school, said goodbye to my best friend who went from across the street to across the country, left my academic responsibilities behind for a summer for the first time, and started a little thing called college. Not to be presumptuous or anything, but I always kind of knew stuff like this was going to happen in my life. I just never anticipated what it was actually going to be like. You know, in real life instead of in my imagination.

While I knew some parts of this year were going to be sad, like saying goodbye to my childhood friends and letting go of being at the top of the academic food chain that I had waited 12 long years to get to, I also knew that new and equally great things were to come. After a little bit of a rough adjustment, college started to become what I'd always hoped it would be - this independent oasis of a place where you could finally, finally decide what was important enough to dedicate all your time towards. It was amazing. Not to mention all the crazy antics and dumb stuff my new friends and I found time to get into. Senior year was by far my favorite academic year of my entire public school experience, but now that I've started college, I have high hopes for the future.

I don't think I'll ever like New Year's, or change, but I think I'm getting better at looking towards the positive side of things. I think the sweatpants I'm wearing that are entirely covered in sequins may have something to do with this change in attitude, but I'd like to think being 19 has made me a little less shallow than that. (But let's be real, sequins solve most of my problems.)

P.S. Happy New Year, you sparkly, fizzy weirdos. :) <3

The sequin pants in question 

Art in an Artless World

One of the great things about humanity is that we are constantly creating. For some people that means technological, scientific, and mathematical innovation. For other people, that means physical, musical, literary, and visual creation. I fall into the latter category.

My entire life, until pretty recently, I've wanted to shape my career around some kind of creative action. When I was younger I had many different things lined up, as most kids do. I wanted to be a chef, and an author, and a movie star, and very briefly, a princess. Aside from being royalty, all of those things would have required me to do something you can't learn from a textbook. You can learn to cook, but to be a chef worth her salt (excuse the pun, I couldn't resist,) you need to be able to make something original. Being an author or a notable actress require skills along those same lines. Making art in the real world is something I never questioned; I thought it was just another type of job I could have, like being a doctor or a businesswoman.

Getting older sucks, for a lot of reasons. The first and most awful one that I can think of is that becoming an adult usually means having to admit that you need to stop dreaming and start doing, and sometimes, that means giving up on some dreams. That is my biggest fear. I know what I would like to do, and I know what I should do, and they aren't the same. And so far, I haven't found a way to combine them. Maybe college will help me with that, but I don't see very many options as of yet. This isn't to say that creativity doesn't play a role in most careers, but for me, it's much easier to be qualitative than quantitative, so to speak. I can't stand math, and while I'm fascinated by science, I know myself enough to know that I wouldn't be good at it as a profession. So that leaves me with the humanities and fine arts. Both of which I much prefer anyway. If it wasn't obvious by now, I love to write. That's something that's never changed. So why can't I listen to that instinct and pursue it? For conventional reasons, of course - money.

All jobs require risk, requisites, and responsibility.  In this day and age, though, careers in the STEM field come with a certain kind of job security, because that is the category with the most demand. People look at musicians, writers, and visual artists with disdain and pity until they make it big, and only then is it socially appropriate to give them credit for their choice of profession.

My problem isn't that I want to do one thing but am being forced into doing another - it's that I see the value of both options, and can't pick. Part of me knows that I would make a good lawyer, and that's validated by the fact that nearly all of my friends and family tell me they can see me as a lawyer. No one tells me they can see me doing what I think I actually want to do, which is writing. They like my writing, and they compliment me, but when I bring up that I maybe want to be a writer or journalist, there isn't as much enthusiasm. It's understandable, albeit a little disheartening. No one thinks writing is a profitable career unless you're J.K. Rowling (who also wasn't given much credit until she hit it big, just saying). All I want is to wholeheartedly pursue what I actually want to do, but in order to do so, I need to figure out what that is.

Vincent Van Gogh, my favorite painter, once said "I long so much to make beautiful things. But beautiful things require effort and disappointment and perseverance." This couldn't be more true, coming from someone who can attest to a similar situation. I want a job not solely for the prospective profit - I want to spend my life doing something I can be proud of, knowing I put everything I have into making something important, that I also care about. I'm willing to work for it, but I'm terrified that nothing will come of it. I'm also scared of disappointing all the people who thought so highly of me and believed in my potential. But there comes a certain point in a person's life when you have to realize that you can't live your life for other people. You can value their opinions, and consider them carefully, but at the end of the day, your life is your own and you're the one that's going to look back on it one day and either be disappointed or not. That's been the hardest thing for me to grasp. Technically, I'm an adult now, and I need to start making these kinds of decisions. But at heart, I am a child, who wants to make childish decisions with reckless abandon. I just want to go back to when being a princess was a prospective career option, damn it!

Well, now that this post has become sufficiently long enough to become a chapter in my future memoir, I will leave you with one last quote, because why the hell not?

"If we, citizens, do not support our artists, then we sacrifice our imagination on the altar of crude reality and we end up believing in nothing and having worthless dreams." -Life of Pi by Yann Martel

Where would we be if Van Gogh decided to become a businessman? With a not so starry night, that's where.

I'mma Let You Finish But These are the Greatest Albums of All Time

I should be practicing guitar or reading 11 pages about the court system or doing literally anything else academically related, but alas. I am not. Instead, I am presenting you with a list of some of the best albums I've ever listened to. Which means this is biased and completely, 100% my opinion only. But, like, listen to them and you'll know what I'm talking about.

Disclaimer: My qualifications for "best album" are simply that I can listen to the whole thing without skipping more than one or two songs. I'm really not that complicated.

Legendary - The Summer Set
Nothing Personal - All Time Low
Paramore - Paramore
The Fool - Ryn Weaver
Electra Heart - Marina and the Diamonds
She Looks So Perfect: US Tour Edition - 5 Seconds of Summer
x - Ed Sheeran
1989 - Taylor Swift
Hozier - Hozier
Acronyms - LANY
Communion (Deluxe) - Years & Years
American Candy - The Maine
Froot - Marina and the Diamonds
Losing Sleep - Parachute
The Way It Was - Parachute
Badlands - Halsey
WILD - Troye Sivan

You're welcome.

Aside from "1989," all of these albums are on Spotify so go check them out. Each album title is hyperlinked to the band/artist's website. Even more you're welcomes. 

P.S. - Quick note about the 5SOS EP - the version on Spotify does not include the one song that I love above all else that literally gives me heart palpitations every time I listen to it, which is "Disconnected," So if you would like to truly experience this majestic and beautiful harmony, here is the YouTube link. It's also available on Spotify as a live track off of their other album LIVESOS. 

Singing in the Shower

I'm in college now, so I no longer sing in the shower, as much as it pains me. However, I feel like I could out of sheer joy, because I'm recognizing that I'm making friends and getting acclimated to being away from home, and it's so great I could burst into song. Living in one of the smallest freshmen dorms on campus means that within 3 short weeks, we've all gotten to know each other at least relatively well, and that means that you never have to eat alone in the dining hall, or study by yourself, or be alone if you don't want to be. Today, the girls on my hall spent all afternoon going back and forth between each other's closets borrowing clothes, and shoes, and accessories. It just  made me feel like I was a part of something really cultivating, like we were becoming each other's unofficial sisters and it was a great feeling. I can't wait to spend more time with all of these girls and get to know everyone even better. This year is going to be great.

The other reason I mentioned singing in the shower is because I have SO MANY new songs stuck in my head and I just have to share them with you. Get pumped. :)


House of Gold - Twenty One Pilots [I am fully aware that this song isn't new, but I just learned how to play it on ukulele and I love it. Oh yeah, ukulele is a thing I do now. #college.]

Aquaman - Walk the Moon [the Discover playlist on Spotify that updates weekly is a Godsend. This song sounds like it's from the 80's or something but IT ISN'T and I just love the vibe.Very Wham! meets Sting.]

Dollhouse - Melanie Martinez [This song is like the lyrical version of the entire Pretty Little Liars series, but like, better, and not as frustrating.]

WILD (album) - Troye Sivan [Either you know of Troye, and you're excited about this, or you know Taylor Swift, and you can recognize that she was excited about this. Either way, get more excited because this whole entire album (actually it's an EP but whatever,) is FRICKIN PHENOMENAL. Go listen to it right this very minute. Also, this video for the song "WILD" is amazing.]

Sit Still, Look Pretty - Daya [This song is the ultimate anthem for girls who don't want to conform to gender norms and stereotypes, as well as wanting to be badass. Love.]

Nobody to Love - Alex Newell [The newest song to add to your Thursday-Night-Study-Break-Pre-Weekend-Dance-Party playlist. You're welcome.]

Beware the Dog - The Griswolds [I don't really know how to describe this song other than the fact that it repeatedly uses the line "She used to suck the fun out of me" without making any reference to a vampire, which gets it bonus points in my book.]

Mother & Father - Broods [I mentioned this song in my last post, but honestly guys, go check it out and then go call your parents, maybe spend a weekend at home. It just makes you feel all the things, and also want to spend more time with your family and I really, really, like it.]

Crayola Doesn't Make a Color for Your Eyes - Kristin Andreassen [A very acoustic sounding song, but I will bet you $3 that you will find yourself humming it to yourself within an hour of listening to it.]

Hard Out Here - Lily Allen ["Forget your balls and grow a pair of tits./ It's hard out here for a bitch." All you need to know about this song is contained within those two lines. Go forth and be feminist.] [Maybe don't watch this at work or in front of children or the elderly. Just saying.]

Octahate - Ryn Weaver [Ryn Weaver is a person I wish I knew in real life but at the same time I feel like she is way too cool for me. Just watch the music video for this song and you'll know what I mean. Her whole album, "The Fool" is probably one of my new favorites of the year.]

You Don't Love Me Like You Should - Hey Violet [This band opened for 5 Seconds of Summer, and you all know how much I love me some 5SOS, so of course I checked them out. But I didn't seriously start listening to them until recently, after I saw them and 5SOS live in concert about 2 weeks ago. I *love* girl rock bands, and even though one guitarist in this band is a guy, I still give it credit as a mostly-girl rock band.]

Jet Black Heart - 5 Seconds of Summer [I couldn't end this post without mentioning 5SOS at least three times. But aside from having to meet that quota, this song is really good. It's a little slow for my taste but it is so reminiscent of early All Time Low, I couldn't resist. I am so exceedingly excited for their new album "Sounds Good Feels Good," I cannot wait for October 23rd. Yes yes yes.]





ALSO: In the one in a billion chance you haven't seen it yet, here is the music video for Taylor Swift's "Wildest Dreams," which may or may not whitewash the plains of Africa, but also may or may not have done that on purpose in order to emulate the 40's film era. Decide for yourself. But other than that, the video kills me every time. I'm also 99.99% sure it features Cecil the Lion, which means I'm officially in love with this video.

Craziness in Multitudes

Do you know what one of the craziest things ever is? The fact that you can know someone for only 2 weeks, and feel as if you've known them forever. That is currently what I am experiencing here at college. I live in the smallest dorm on campus, the entire building holding less than 60 people. That means that I know at least half of those people better than I would've in any other instance in my life. I have friends that I've only known existed since August 21st. That's insane to me, the more I think about it.

You know what else is weird? I know how to do laundry now. And decide when I eat my meals. And get myself to and from where I need to be all on my own time. I became a quasi-adult without even realizing it. I kind of like it but I also kind of wish my parents were still around to do the adult-ing for me. It exhausts me if I think about it too much, and I haven't even been doing it that long.

I feel like college isn't so much a process you get used to but an experience that you jump into headfirst, in which you do what you're supposed to do as you are simultaneously learning what it is that you're supposed to be doing. Sometimes it's lonely, and sometimes it's hectic, and sometimes it's overwhelming. Sometimes all I want is to go home and sit between my parents and never leave. But at the same time, I'm surrounded by strangers that are all desperately trying to be friends with each other and it works, weirdly enough. My dorm room feels comfortable already (despite the lack of A.C. and that it's hot as balls outside), my hallmates feel familiar, and my classes have become routine. I never thought I was capable of getting used to something so totally different than anything I've ever done before, but from what I'm learning, college is a place where you learn you're capable of way more than you could've ever imagined.

Here's a song that pretty accurately sums up how I feel when I get a little too anxious about the fact that I'm part of the "real world" now. 

I'm Not in Kansas Anymore

The title of this blog post is misguiding. I've never even been to Kansas. But you get the point. I'm currently writing this post from my college dorm bed, which I am sleeping in for the first time tonight. I'm a little freaked out by all of this new stuff all at one time, you know, over-stimulation and everything. I miss my parents a whole frickin lot, and I miss my room at home more than anything, (especially A.C., good GOD). But also, I am really freaking excited. This is the new chapter that I've been waiting for all my life. I can't wait until everything doesn't feel so new, and I can really begin having fun. I'll keep you posted, though, on whether or not I die from this lack of conditioned air. Other than that, I'm super pumped for college. Here we GOOO (read in the voice of Peter Pan). (Please excuse this utter shit of an article, I am running on bare fumes right now).

I Forgot How to Tie My Loose Ends

I don't know who reads this blog. Honestly, I think my family forgot I still had it, and I don't think my friends even know. I don't expect people to care who I am or what I write or what happens in my life, I just write about it because it helps me to think about it all in a way that helps me understand. Sometimes, I write about specific people, knowing they'll never read what I'm saying about (or to) them. Like now.

I want this to be an open letter to all the people I'm leaving behind in less than two weeks as I move to college. All the people I sort of knew, but didn't know as well as I would've liked, you are all very special people and you've impacted me in countless ways. To the girl I wanted to hate but couldn't because she was just so sweet, I hope you go far in life and I can't wait to root for you. To the boy in my 9th grade gym class that got bullied by the self-righteous douche-bags, you are ten times the man they will ever be and never stop being absurdly yourself, because you're awesome. To my guitar teacher, and my homeroom teacher, and my 11th grade English teacher, and my physics teacher, you all believed in my abilities even when I sometimes couldn't live up to your expectations, and I will always be grateful for that. To the boys I thought I was in love with, I wasn't. I know that now. But all 3 of you are still very important to me, and even though I know you never really thought of me that way, you will hold a place in my heart forever (even if that part is very small in order to make room for someone more important).

To all of my friends going to different colleges in different cities and different states, if I don't see you for a while, I hope you are doing well, and I hope you're getting everything out of life that you deserve, because you are all exceptional people, and I love you with my whole heart. Expect a HUGE hug the next time I see you.

And finally, to my family. I will miss you indefinitely, but the great thing about family is that they're always there. I can see you whenever I want, and I am so grateful for that. I hope you all continue to grow while I'm gone, and I hope I make you proud.

Courtesy of girlpansy on Tumblr

The Seemingly Endless, Violent Cycle

I sat down to blog today intending to write a review about a few movies I've seen recently, but before doing so I logged onto Twitter and saw breaking news headlines about something a little more important, so I'll just have to put that off for now.

According to a number of news outlets, there's been another movie theater shooting, this time in Lafayette, Louisiana during a showing of the movie "Trainwreck." It seems almost appallingly ironic that this has occurred less than a week after the announcement of the verdict in the case against the Aurora shooter, who killed 12 people during a Batman midnight showing nearly 3 years ago and was just today deemed worthy of the death penalty in the state of Colorado. In this current case, 2 people have been killed, as well the gunman who shot the victims and himself with a handgun. I haven't been able to find a source explaining what the shooter's motives were, because according to The Huffington Post, authorities have been able to identify the shooter as only a 58-year-old white man, but are not releasing any more details.

Aside from informing those of you who may not have known this happened, I'm also writing this because I needed a way to try and make sense of what's happening in this country. As most of  you have probably heard by now, the Sandra Bland case is stirring up a lot, (and I mean A LOT,) of controversy about the state of the police force in the United States, and the often apparent use of excessive force, especially against people of color. And now, in the  midst of yet another homicide, also a week after the gunman in Tennessee killed 5 military personnel, we are not only  having to cope with not being able to necessarily trust the authorities, but fear is being instilled in us in regards to each other. We can't trust those who are supposed to protect us, and we can't turn to each other for protection, either.

Given, one bad seed does not an apple make, and I know that not all police have a partiality for violence, and I know for sure that not all people are capable of murder. But here's the thing - maybe it's because I'm getting older and therefore becoming more aware, or maybe things are changing and changing quickly enough to make note of it, but it seems that the very thin, precarious structure of our society is starting to come apart at the seems. In regards to police violence, maybe it's always been a thing, but now people are starting to fight back and that's why there's been so much news about it. People of color, women, disabled people, LGBTQ+ people, and every other person that's faced discrimination for whatever reason are no longer tolerating unjust treatment as anything less than an equal human being. And more power to them. I wholeheartedly believe that this country could use a wake up call. However, I have absolutely no explanation for gun violence, or really any violence, with or without a motive. In the case of these recent shootings in Lafayette and Tennessee, I really don't know how I'll be able to explain those incidences in a way that will help you, and myself, understand them, because I really don't think there's a good enough explanation. There is no reason for someone to shoot unarmed marines and navy officers in a military recruitment office that was open to the public, however you may feel about the military. There is certainly no reason to bring a handgun to a movie theater and shoot people you've never met before.

That brings me to the next argument - maybe the people who commit these crimes (the shooters, not necessarily the police,) have mental health issues and that's what causes them to believe murder/homicide is justifiable. That could very well be the case, which is why the government needs better ways of treating people with mental health issues. From what I can see, the issue of mental health is only really taboo for the older generations; my generation and those around it are leaps and bounds ahead on the road to accepting the importance of mental health. But again, you could tie the presence of rampant discrimination back into this argument and point out that the mental health label is more commonly used in regards to straight, white, male criminals. Anyone else is given a different according excuse.

Honestly, I don't really have any concrete answers to solve these modern (or maybe not so modern) problems that we seem to be facing. I don't know how to stop people from committing crimes or how to prevent cops from being any form of asshole or how to make people as a whole more accepting. I really don't know, and I'm pretty sure no one else does, either, because these things keep happening. All I know is that if we want these things to stop happening, it  needs to be a collective move forward. The majority needs to be those who believe in equality, in peace, in as little corruption as humanly possible, and then they  need to be loud in their effort to achieve their goals because the loud ones are the ones who make change. I, for one, intend to contribute.

P.S. - I watched the CNN story about the Tennessee shooting, but here's where I got my information about the Lafayette shooting, if you're interested.
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/shooting-at-lafayette-movie-theater-reported_55b1918be4b0074ba5a406bd

Current Music Recommendations

So, as you know, I haven't posted since February, which means I haven't updated you on what I'm currently listening to since before that. So here I am, back and better than ever with the songs/albums/artists I'm currently listening to on repeat. You can thank me later.
(As always, each title is hyperlinked to the video for the song, when available.)


Le Chant des Sirenes by Frero Delavega (A song my high school French teacher introduced me to that I absolutely fell in love with.)

She's Kinda Hot by 5 Seconds of Summer (Thankfully not as sexist as I feared it would be, actually has a really good message)

Tiny Dancer by Elton John (How can you not love this song?)

Hold Me Down by Halsey (I adoorreeee this song and I want everyone to know it, and love it with me.)

American Candy (album) by The Maine (Jumped on this train and I never want to get off)

Black Magic by Little Mix (Top 40 isn't always a bad thing. Plus, the video for this song reminds me of the live-action version of the show Sabrina: The Teenage Witch and I loved that show so I kinda love this song.)

Like I Can by Sam Smith (I don't think Sam Smith is capable of making a bad song.)

Crave by Parachute (I've loved this band since I was like, 9, and their first two albums were EXPONENTIALLY better than their third one, but with this new single I'm hoping they go back to sounding the way they did in their hey-day. This is promising though.)

Fight Song by Rachel Platten (Sue me, I love this song.)

Woman (Oh Mama) by Joy Williams (This song is simple in it's composition, but it gives me goosebumps and I loved the Civil Wars so much, so since they're broken up I've turned to the individual members' music, and Joy does not disappoint. This song is frickin phenomenal.)

Renegade by Styx (Old song, still badass.)

Speechless by Lady Gaga (Another song that was popular back in the 6th grade, but still a jam nonetheless.)

Blank Space/Stand By Me - Live From Spotify London by Imagine Dragons (You haven't heard Blank Space like this before and you never knew you absolutely needed to until now. Just note that the Spotify version is better than the one I linked to but it was all I could find.)

I Guess I Suck But What Else is New?

I haven't written since the day before Valentine's Day. Which was a LONG ASS TIME AGO. So I'm back. And here to tell you about my life in all it's mediocre glory. I'm a nearly-creepy teenage version of a suburbanite blogger mom. Oh well.

Alright, so. I'm officially a high school graduate, so that's cool. I graduated a month ago yesterday, and it was such a surreal process, I don't even fully remember all of it. I remember getting up really early to straighten my hair and do my makeup really nicely in a last-ditch effort to impress peers I'll probably never see again (if I'm lucky). Then my best friend/neighbor came over and we took a few pictures before driving off to get our other friend who lives across the divided highway in our town. We all then drove to school and took a shuttle bus from the elementary school where we students had to park to the high school, where our ceremony was to be held in the gymnasium because of the threat of rain that day, (it never ended up raining but thank God we were indoors because we all got outside after the ceremony and it was effing HOT). We all had to go to the lower level of the school and line up alphabetically up and down the hallways, and we seemed to wait like that forever. After a decade and a half of anxious chatter and cap adjustments, we finally got to process into the gym. From there, we found our seats and proceeded to sit through 3 hours of redundant speeches. Our principal that no one really likes apparently gave the same speech she gave the previous year, and the valedictorian's speech made me want to vomit a little bit because of how subtly condescending it was. And don't even get me started on the guest speaker, who fully admitted to have never done something like that in his life and blatantly didn't even attempt to write a speech. But anyway. I digress. Somewhere between getting our diplomas and tossing our caps, someone started tossing blow-up beach balls and an inflatable flamingo, and everyone loved it except the administrators but there was nothing they could do at that point. After that settled down, we all stood up, moved our tassels from right to left, and tossed our caps haphazardly into the air, which the administrators also didn't like but again, could do nothing about. Which was probably the best part about graduation, the realization that as soon as we got our diplomas, we were free of the public education system. We had no one left to dictate to us exactly what to learn and what to do and how to be. It was so weird, but also long overdue.

That night after graduation, the PTO sponsored an All-Night Grad Party at the local recreation center, and it was actually so much fun. We had access to the indoor pool, there was catering from literally every popular restaurant in our area, karaoke, gambling for raffle tickets, game show simulations, nail/hair/massage salon, candy bar, photo booth, volley ball, basketball, mini car racing, a magic show, huge and expensive raffle prizes, and this thing that's a cross between surfing and a mechanical bull. You had to be there... It was such a great way to spend the hours between 11 PM and 4:30 AM after graduation. I'm really grateful that the parents involved at our school pay more attention to us than our admin. It was also a really fun way to spend time with my peers before everyone splits up for good. Thanks to social media, I'll be able to keep up with people, but it definitely won't be the same. In some ways that's a good thing, but in other ways it's not because I am definitely going to miss people. Especially after I took the time to realize a good chunk of my friends are going to college out of state..

Speaking of college, I know where I'm going! I guess I'll let you in on the secret - I'm going to the College of William and Mary, and I absolutely cannot wait. I've been talking back and forth with my roommate, whom I have not met yet but she seems really cool and she's also from Egypt so that's cool. I've already planned out which classes I want to take and which clubs I want to sign up for and I'm just so excited to get started. I went to a New Students/Parents reception today at an alumni's house, and it was really informative because some current students were there and they answered all of our questions and were super nice and friendly. They also had W&M themed sugar cookies, and that always leads to good things. I'm about a month away from move-in day and orientation, and even though I'm a little nervous about leaving home, I am SO INCREDIBLY PUMPED to get started with the College Experience.

Hopefully I'm not so incompetent that I actually remember to chronicle it here.

My friends from homeroom shortly before the ceremony

Galentine's Forever (AKA Bows before Bros)

As I write this, I am sitting in my room with a full face of (might I say pretty fabulous) makeup, listening to a girl power mix-tape, happily recalling the best chocolate cake I've ever had in my life and how much I love my friends. Why am I doing such strange things? Because today is Galentine's Day, of course. For those of you who may  not be familiar with it, it originates from Parks and Rec, and is quite possibly the best idea to come out of television (that was a hyperbole for you literary geeks, but you get it). Today also being Friday the 13th kind of added to the grandeur of it all - like, let's go out and celebrate friend-love and gal pals but also HERE'S A MIDDLE FINGER, superstition, I'm gonna have fun anyway. 

Anyway, today at school everything just buzzed by in anticipation for tonight, in which three of my bestest friends in the world and I dolled ourselves up and went out to a fancy (AF) restaurant and pretended we were way more sophisticated than we really are. But it was awesome, even if I may have swore a little too loud and had to pull over because I didn't have money for a toll booth. Despite all of that, tonight was great. We ate delicious food and talked about anything and everything, and if it hadn't been for a curfew, we probably could've stayed there longer than the two hours we did. We talked about boys, and Senior Beach Week, and people we hate, and sketchy gas station attendants, and super-awkward religious people, and cats, and it was such a disgustingly good time, I'm honestly kind of sad it's over already. Every time my friends and I plan outings like this, even if they aren't as fancy as this particular evening, I always come away feeling like "Wow, I love my friends not just because they're my friends, but because they are genuinely amazing people." I love that we can talk to each other about practically anything, and that we're so comfortable with each other. And I think that's the whole point of Galentine's - friend-love is just as important, if not more important, than romantic love, because even when you're single, you still have your friends, who love you even when you feel ugly or sad or crampy or bitchy. And if your friends are anything like mine, they'll love you even when you're ugly, sad, crampy, and bitchy AT THE SAME TIME. I hope you, ubiquitous reader, have a wonderful Valentine's Day, even if you don't have a Valentine, because honestly - who needs one when you've got your Galentine? 

We were both wearing black shoes, black bags, red coats, red dresses, and we both drove red cars. We may or may not be the same person.

This dish had a very Italian name that I can't remember, so just know it was shrimpy and spicy and fantastic and the best pasta I've ever eaten. 

Chocolate cake with strawberry mousse layers, AKA the reason I will never eat Costco cake again

My Galentines <3

At the restaurant, looking super snazzy and red-velvety and floral

It's Not a Rejection, but Let's Be Real

Without any kind of preface, I'm just going to come right out and say that I have been deferred from 2 out of 3 colleges that I applied to Early Action. I was accepted into the third school, which is great because not only did I get in, I got into the Honors Program, as well as receiving a research grant and scholarship money. WHICH IS NOTHING TO COMPLAIN ABOUT. I know this. But it wasn't my first choice school. I was deferred from my first choice, and I happened to find out about that deferral on the afternoon of my 18th birthday party, which kind of sucked. And then, this past Friday, the last day of my first semester of my final year of high school, I got the news that I'd been deferred from yet another school. To make matters just a little worse, I watched my social media feeds fill up with updates about how literally everyone else seemed to have gotten in.

Most of the time, I think my life would make a pretty funny sitcom, because usually things are happy-go-lucky and hilarious. But this moment would fit right in with all the other awkwardly tough moments every good sitcom has once in a while to keep things interesting. Honestly, the worst part was that I'd convinced myself that I was a shoo-in to get in. I wasn't, apparently. And I'm not going to lie and say it didn't affect me, because it totally did. I cried for hours, although not immediately after finding out. When I first found out, I was irrationally angry. Then, later on when I had to explain to my parents that I didn't officially get in to yet another school, I started to get emotional. I cried in my mom's arms like a child, because it felt like a SUPER HUGE jab to my self-esteem and self-worth. That night was a definite low for me, because I couldn't stop myself from feeling like I wasn't good enough, or smart enough, or talented in any way.

Thankfully, with the help of my super supportive parents and friends who are the best at giving pep talks, and a much needed night of sleep, I woke up the next day not nearly as torn apart about everything. I still masochistically checked  my social media, but throughout the day it got easier and easier to get over myself and think more positively. I keep having to remind myself that a deferral is NOT a rejection, although it isn't easy. But, when I got my first letter of deferral, my friend wisely told me something that I'd like to pass on to you - deferral isn't rejection, it's redirection. It's taken me until now to fully remember that quote, which I think is a sign that now, as I'm hashing out all the details for the world to see, I may finally be realizing that things aren't as bad as they seem. It may feel like nothing in my life is going exactly as planned, but as many seniors keep repeating to themselves, I'm going to be fine. I'm going to end up wherever I'm supposed to be, and everything is going to be okay. Everything is going to just fine. (Eventually.)

Things That Make Me Cringe (Or Not)

Things that make me cringe:

• When men tell women to fix their attitudes
• Off-pitch singing that's taken seriously
• Chicken pot pie
• People with absolutely no filter that don't care about being rude
• Oblivious stage whispers
• Butcher shops
• The look on someone's face when their [genuine and nonthreatening] hug has been rejected and someone pushes them off
• Calculus.
• The sound of open-mouthed chewing
• Dog whimpers
• Poorly executed selfies
• Oversleeping 

Things that definitely do NOT make me cringe:

• Puppies and kittens sleeping where they shouldn't
• Shredded cheese (I don't know why so don't ask)
• Acing a really  hard exam or test
• Beating  my instructor at a fencing bout
• When people try to tell a joke but can't because they're laughing so hard
• As of right now, "Love Me Like You Do" by Ellie Goulding (damn you 50 Shades of Gray for your bomb ass soundtrack)
• Tyler Oakley and his collabs 
• Concerts where you're squished up next to strangers and everyone's sweaty and singing really loud and even though it's smelly it's still kind of awesome
• Unexpectedly good hair days
• When babies grab onto one or two of my fingers
• Finishing a really good book

New Year New Me (Or Something Like That)

WELCOME TO 2015 FRIENDS!!! Despite not having posted anything during the month of December, I actually had quite an eventful month. And I'm here to tell you all about it, among other things, because my New Year's resolution was to journal more, and I'd like to think this is a form of my journal, minus the weird personal details. So here we go.

At the beginning of the month, I went with my fellow AP Government classmates to visit the Capitol building in Washington, DC. It was a whirlwind trip, and even though it took all day, it felt as if we spent most of our day getting through security checkpoints. We got to sit in on a session of the Senate, which sounds cool but was actually painfully boring, at least for my group, (we were the lucky ones that got to sit in on a discussion about the continuance of the postal service in Wisconsin and Vermont). My favorite part of the trip was the politically engaging discussion my friends and I had during the bus ride about feminism and social implications of police violence. Sometimes it surprises me how much I have to learn from my peers, and I consider myself lucky to be among some very intelligent people. (Not all of them are intelligent, mind you, but there definitely a few very smart people that I cherish.)

About a week later, a monumental event occurred. I turned 18. I know, I know, I'm shocked, too. How is it possible that someone such as myself is now a legal adult? Somewhere the writers of that rule are turning in their graves. I couldn't be more excited, though. I can now order things off infomercials, go out driving past midnight, buy lottery tickets and cigarettes, and get tried as an adult. None of these things I actually have an interest in, but it's the principle of the matter. And the actual day of my birthday was fantastic. So many people wished me a happy birthday, I found the need to post a Facebook status update just to let everyone know how loved I felt. It was kind of awesome, because people who aren't even really my friends sent me Twitter and Facebook messages and all day, I just wanted to curl into a ball and smile like an idiot because HOLY SHIT people like me. :)

At the end of that week, my friend and I threw a joint birthday party at my house (her birthday is later in December). That was yet another moment of utter joy, at least for me but also I think for my friend. My house was packed with all of our closest friends, and I wanted to gather everyone in a group hug and never leave that moment. If any of them are reading this, I hope you know that that party, and my 18th birthday as a whole, was the best birthday celebration I've ever had, and I can't even begin to express how much I love you all.

Then, of course, after a final week of school before break, which was filled with last-minute tests, quizzes, and a surprising two day run of hallway caroling with my guitar class, it was finally Christmas!! I love Christmas, even now as wise old legal adult, and I love having my family with me to celebrate it. Even this year, which felt a little weird because one of my favorite cousins has now moved to Utah for her job, I still felt constantly wrapped in a warm blanket of familial love and joy and chocolate (which we had a lot of). The only thing that sucked was that night, as everyone was packing up and getting ready to go home after their final slice of cheesecake, I felt super queasy and not at all festive and jolly. Later that night was absolutely awful, and the following day was even worse. After a quick Google search, I discovered that I had every single symptom of the stomach flu. Peachy. Luckily, I was able to get over it relatively quickly, and was back to normal by New Year's Eve.

In between Christmas and New Year's Eve, my mom and I went to my neighbor's wedding, who happens to be the older sister of my best friend. It was a beautiful reception held in their church, (the ceremony had been earlier in the day,) and I was so happy to see my friend again. I wasn't feeling 100% better, but found some weird kind of solace in the fact that my friend was suffering the same thing. We laughed at it and danced briefly in front of everyone before feeling queasy again and sitting down. It was a real bonding moment.

New Year's Eve was surprisingly eventful. I went to work with my mom earlier in the day to make some quick money (because Christmas money only goes so far, kids,) and then spent the rest of the day watching chick flicks, (The Wedding Planner, Miss Congeniality, and The Proposal, in order). And just as I was texting with my friends about how lame it felt to be home with your parents on New Year's, my cousins came over and we had ourselves an impromptu NYE party. It was pretty low maintenance, all things considered, but it was good to have people there  to celebrate the coming of the new year with. We watched Taylor Swift and One Direction perform in Times Square, followed by the dropping of the New Year's ball. Then we cheered with nonalcoholic beverages and took Polaroid pictures, as one does.

Alright, well, if you've read this far, I commend you, because Lord knows I can get hella boring when it comes to talking about my life and whatnot. I'm not going to make any promises (because that will just disappoint everyone when I can't follow through,) but I will definitely commit to trying to post more often. I'm currently reading the book Girl Online by Zoe Sugg, and the main character, Penny, runs a blog that she updates weekly. I think that is a tremendous idea. Maybe Saturday or Sunday nights? That definitely sounds plausible. I really want to develop this blog, not only for myself, but maybe because somewhere out there someone will find this and think I'm a super cool awesome person that writes really well. I don't know, maybe. I'd also like to try to use more of my own pictures, because I think I may love photography without outright admitting it, so this will be a great outlet for that secret love (not including Instagram, which I am sort of addicted to but also don't want to be obnoxious on). Ok, I've said enough, I should go do something actually productive now.