Art in an Artless World

One of the great things about humanity is that we are constantly creating. For some people that means technological, scientific, and mathematical innovation. For other people, that means physical, musical, literary, and visual creation. I fall into the latter category.

My entire life, until pretty recently, I've wanted to shape my career around some kind of creative action. When I was younger I had many different things lined up, as most kids do. I wanted to be a chef, and an author, and a movie star, and very briefly, a princess. Aside from being royalty, all of those things would have required me to do something you can't learn from a textbook. You can learn to cook, but to be a chef worth her salt (excuse the pun, I couldn't resist,) you need to be able to make something original. Being an author or a notable actress require skills along those same lines. Making art in the real world is something I never questioned; I thought it was just another type of job I could have, like being a doctor or a businesswoman.

Getting older sucks, for a lot of reasons. The first and most awful one that I can think of is that becoming an adult usually means having to admit that you need to stop dreaming and start doing, and sometimes, that means giving up on some dreams. That is my biggest fear. I know what I would like to do, and I know what I should do, and they aren't the same. And so far, I haven't found a way to combine them. Maybe college will help me with that, but I don't see very many options as of yet. This isn't to say that creativity doesn't play a role in most careers, but for me, it's much easier to be qualitative than quantitative, so to speak. I can't stand math, and while I'm fascinated by science, I know myself enough to know that I wouldn't be good at it as a profession. So that leaves me with the humanities and fine arts. Both of which I much prefer anyway. If it wasn't obvious by now, I love to write. That's something that's never changed. So why can't I listen to that instinct and pursue it? For conventional reasons, of course - money.

All jobs require risk, requisites, and responsibility.  In this day and age, though, careers in the STEM field come with a certain kind of job security, because that is the category with the most demand. People look at musicians, writers, and visual artists with disdain and pity until they make it big, and only then is it socially appropriate to give them credit for their choice of profession.

My problem isn't that I want to do one thing but am being forced into doing another - it's that I see the value of both options, and can't pick. Part of me knows that I would make a good lawyer, and that's validated by the fact that nearly all of my friends and family tell me they can see me as a lawyer. No one tells me they can see me doing what I think I actually want to do, which is writing. They like my writing, and they compliment me, but when I bring up that I maybe want to be a writer or journalist, there isn't as much enthusiasm. It's understandable, albeit a little disheartening. No one thinks writing is a profitable career unless you're J.K. Rowling (who also wasn't given much credit until she hit it big, just saying). All I want is to wholeheartedly pursue what I actually want to do, but in order to do so, I need to figure out what that is.

Vincent Van Gogh, my favorite painter, once said "I long so much to make beautiful things. But beautiful things require effort and disappointment and perseverance." This couldn't be more true, coming from someone who can attest to a similar situation. I want a job not solely for the prospective profit - I want to spend my life doing something I can be proud of, knowing I put everything I have into making something important, that I also care about. I'm willing to work for it, but I'm terrified that nothing will come of it. I'm also scared of disappointing all the people who thought so highly of me and believed in my potential. But there comes a certain point in a person's life when you have to realize that you can't live your life for other people. You can value their opinions, and consider them carefully, but at the end of the day, your life is your own and you're the one that's going to look back on it one day and either be disappointed or not. That's been the hardest thing for me to grasp. Technically, I'm an adult now, and I need to start making these kinds of decisions. But at heart, I am a child, who wants to make childish decisions with reckless abandon. I just want to go back to when being a princess was a prospective career option, damn it!

Well, now that this post has become sufficiently long enough to become a chapter in my future memoir, I will leave you with one last quote, because why the hell not?

"If we, citizens, do not support our artists, then we sacrifice our imagination on the altar of crude reality and we end up believing in nothing and having worthless dreams." -Life of Pi by Yann Martel

Where would we be if Van Gogh decided to become a businessman? With a not so starry night, that's where.

Save Your Youth For Later : High School Junior Edition

As (high school) midterms loom closer and closer, more and more of my peers are starting to lose it. Not in the literal, mental-breakdown kind of way, but in the "I have so much anxiety I might just explode" kind of way. As juniors, we have to make sure everything we do is impressive, if we ever hope to get into our dream colleges.It's a tough act to handle, because on top of juggling actual school work (which, admittedly, gets pretty overwhelming sometimes,) we also have to maintain leadership positions, actively volunteer within our community, and participate in at least one sport or club, if not more, (and in most cases, mine included, it's definitely more). Midterms are stressful because they factor in to your semester grades, and if you bomb them, you're in trouble. At such a young age we are expected to make sure our futures are solidified by excelling at everything, and as worth it as it is to get into college and finally begin the journey to the career of our choice, it's actually kind of sad to think of all the experiences we're missing out on while we're focusing so hard on making our resumes competitive. How many of us actually enjoy ALL of the extracurricular activities we participate in? Nearly everyone I know is a member of at least one club or is doing a particular sport solely based on how good it will look on college applications. That's more time given that we don't necessarily have, committed to something we aren't even passionate about.  The closer and closer I get to college, the more I almost resent it, because the idea of college has dictated my entire life ever since I was about 11 years old. That's 6 whole years and counting of my childhood, spent stressing out about college. There has to be a rule against that, somewhere, hopefully.  My parents observe the mental state of me and my peers and the exhaustion and anxiety we put ourselves through, and wonder what changed between their generation and ours, because they were never like this. I can only imagine what my children will be forced to endure in order to succeed. It's a scary thought, that's for sure.

**I am the original author of this post, but it will also be posted on Huffington Post Teen. 

Life - The Good, Bad, and Ugly Parts

Do you know what is simultaneously confusing and stressful? Life. As blunt as that is, it's true, and relevant. As a high school student, and an upperclassman, it's about time for me to start thinking seriously about what I want to do with the rest of my life, which in turn will lead me to deciding which college I want to go to. This is the conundrum of my generation, I'm telling you. Not only is it nearly impossible to narrow down what I actually like to do, it's downright  unfair to ask me to decide how to make that into a career. It also doesn't help that I live in an area where people don't prioritize happiness, because they're too focused on competing with each other for who has the better house, the better car, more money, the more high-end job, etc. When I was younger, I wanted to be chef. Then I realized I don't have the patience to even make toast, so that was out of the question. Then I wanted to be an author, until I came to the painful realization that unless you're J.K. Rowling or J.R.R. Tolkien, writing books isn't a very plentiful career choice. (That's another thing that bugs me - why can't I do the things that I love despite the fact that I won't make a terrible amount of money?) Anyway, after I nixed two career choices that actually made me happy, I started to think realistically. I did a little self-evaluation, and realized that I'm good at arguing, I'm a pretty good problem-solver, and I really want to help people. So, naturally, I decided I wanted to be a lawyer. Not only did it fit my personality almost perfectly, it would make good money, and eventually, lawyers become politicians who become president, which is always fun. But after about a year or two of being dead-set on becoming a lawyer, I thought about the amount of hours and never-ending work that went into becoming and working as a lawyer, and I was terrified of it all. And now, recently, I decided that film-making was my passion, and that was what I was going to do. I've been researching majors and schools that offer film studies and communications programs, and I joined the film club at my school for the sole purpose of exposing myself to the craft outside of making slideshows on my computer. But lo and behold, I've changed my mind again, today. I was laying on my bed and thinking about how my mother has told me before that I'm usually good at all the things I try, but if it doesn't come easy to me, I don't do it. Basically, I'm afraid of working hard for something, because I'm not used to having to do so. This isn't to brag or anything, but it's true, things usually come easy for me. It's also true that I don't usually have to try hard at much of anything. This is a problem. If I'm passionate about something, I need to work for it. Sometimes, it's going to be easy, and I'll welcome the ease. But I can't shy away from or quit things that are hard. So I've decided that maybe becoming a lawyer isn't so bad. It's literally the perfect career choice for me, and I can always minor in film studies. Then, once I've saved up enough money, I can take a hiatus from law and maybe make a movie or two. I can't do the things I want before doing the things I have to do, because life doesn't work that way. Even when I decided I wanted to be a filmmaker, I never totally gave up on the idea of becoming a lawyer, which goes to show that it's still a passion of mine. I think right now, I'm on an adolescent path of self-discovery, and it's okay to change my mind a million times. But at the same time, this is my future I'm debating, and I need to start getting serious.