Ambitious, Apprehensive Procrastination (With a Quick Glance Around)

Hello everyone, and welcome back to my sad little corner of the internet that like 6.5 people care about. It's been a while! Let's catch up - I am now a sophomore in college, I'm thissss much closer to declaring a major, I still don't get enough sleep, and now I have AC in my room (thank GOD).

Now that that's out of the way, we can move on to discussing more pressing issues, such as all the things I'd like to be doing if I could just figure out how to organize my life well enough to do them.

I am this school year's features editor for a fashion/art/photography publication at my school called ROCKET, and I am, slowly but surely, figuring out just how to do that. My ultimate goal is to not only guide my fellow writers towards their best creations, but to also be a person they can look up to and rely on. Most of us are around the same age, but I'm their beta leader (we also have an EIC, so there's that leader to answer to, as well,) and I want to be a good one. I want to foster a little community between the six of us that allows for a constant flow of communication, ideas, creativity, and of course, friendship. On top of that, I also strive to be the most competent person I can be, so that I'm never left not knowing how to solve a problem. As you can imagine, no one of this is going to come easy, but I believe in ROCKET and the writers and our potential and I am willing to work to achieve these goals. I'm just not going to be able to sleep, ever, apparently. It's cool.

ALSO, before I forget to mention it! I got in an Instagram argument with the LITERAL Marc Jacobs last week! Okay, let me break it down briefly, (I intend to write more about it for ROCKET's website, so I can't get into too much detail but OMGGG).  Last week was the tail end of New York Fashion Week (NYFW). If I'm not mistaken, Marc Jacobs' show was one of the last ones, and it was expected to be big and innovative and awesome. And for many aspects of it, it was. The setting was futuristic and colorful and creative and some big names in the modeling industry walked for him, including Kendall Jenner and both Hadid sisters. But the one glaring problem with the whole show, that has since overshadowed any of the actual clothes that went down the runway, was that despite most of the models being white, or otherwise non-People of Color (POC,) they were all sporting pastel-colored dreadlocks. I saw this on one of the pictures on the Marc Jacobs company Instagram, and commented that while this show was otherwise impressive, it was disappointing to see non-POC wearing dreadlocks, and that if that was the aesthetic they were going for, they should have used actual models of color. THAT'S WHEN THINGS GOT CRAZY. Marc Jacobs HIMSELF, on his actual personal account, commented back and tagged me and one other girl, that it wasn't cultural appropriation, it was just appreciating people and love is all you need, and wouldn't cultural appropriation be when women of color straighten their hair? And other nonsense like that. I WAS STUNNED. Both because he commented back, and because he was SO INSANELY IGNORANT. I commented back trying to break down for him the (many) points he'd misunderstood. From there, SO MANY DIFFERENT NEWS SOURCES AND INDIVIDUALS saw this comment and found my original comment and started tagging me in things and videos and articles and it was NUTS. I shared screenshots of the comments on my Facebook page, and to date, it is the most interacted-with post I've ever shared. I never imagined it would end up like this, but I'm glad I wasn't the only one that noticed how strange and wrong Marc Jacobs was acting. I don't discredit him as a designer or hate him or anything (who's got actual time for that,) but I am really disappointed in him. If he could've acknowledged that he made a mistake, that all would be well, but his response was just so surprisingly childish, that it almost seemed like a joke.

But anyway, aside from being more culturally sensitive than a major fashion designer, my life has been pretty consistent. I did see the Lumineers in concert last Friday, which BLEW MY MIND, and then this week I discovered that stickers will actually stay on my laptop surface, going against what I previously thought. Pretty exciting stuff, I know. Now I just have to try to focus on maintaining that kind of excitement in little, everyday things, which is the ultimate goal, amiright?

The most magical night, the best performers

Seriously, though, I do have a lot of things I'd like to accomplish this year, and hopefully by writing them down, I'll be more motivated to get them done. One of these things is to participate in NaNoWriMo again after having not done it for 2 or 3 years. NaNoWriMo stands for National Novel Writing Month, and basically you just commit to writing 50,000 words of an original novel during the entire month of November. I've attempted it twice, but I've never finished. This year, I want to change that. I used to love writing so much, and I still do. But I used to be better at churning out stories. They flew out of my brain like oxygen out of my lungs when I'm late for class and have to speed walk. But now, it's like my story well has pretty much dried up. I want it back, so I'm forcing myself to write more. I'm going to start prepping now by trying to write creatively at least once or twice a week, hopefully more. The thing with NaNoWriMo, also, is that it doesn't have to be a good novel, it just has to be a novel. So with that in mind, I think I might be ready to (finally) conquer it.

Additionally, I want to become a better musician, I want to learn how to spend and save money smarter, and I want to get in the habit of living my life in a healthier way - i.e. preparing for things further in advance, sleeping at more normal times, keeping in better touch with friends from home, and of course, eating on a more regular schedule instead of snacking on small things that aren't necessarily doing me any good.

I don't really know what the point of this post was, but I felt like I had a lot of thoughts floating around in my head, and I needed to organize them somehow. Kind of like I need to organize my life, but easier and less time-consuming. :P

To end this post, here's my current playlist, which is honestly my favorite thing to write about, so here you go. :)

Happy Birthday - The Beatles (today is my cousin's 1st birthday and he might be the cutest baby I've ever seen so I had to)
Cartoons and Forever Plans - Maria Taylor
Keep On Loving You - Cigarettes After Sex
Americana Dream - firekid
Hell No - Ingrid Michaelson
Cool Blue - The Japanese House
Heaven Knows I'm Miserable Now - The Smiths (I stalked one of the new features writers' blogs and this was on one of her playlists and I knew she'd fit in with us right away at ROCKET)
Life Itself - Glass Animals
Season 2 Episode 3 - Glass Animals
Pork Soda - Glass Animals
June, After Dark - Elliot Root
Gemini Feed - Banks
Underdressed - VERITE
Give Me Something - Jarryd James
Babylon - David Gray (this song is SO GOOD, I don't even know what else to say about it, just listen it)
Cool Girl - Tove Lo
American Money - BORNS
Always Love - Nada Surf
Still Not a Player - Big Pun
LOST BOY - Troye Sivan
Laura - Hockey Dad
Flesh Without Blood - Grimes
Closer - Duck House

Things I Know to be True

A brief list:

• The relatively new album by The Lumineers, Cleopatra, is PHENOMENAL (thanks Maddie, if you're reading this, for introducing me)
• Working at an ice cream shop is fun but not very lucrative (like, at all...)
• I may be getting cavities from said job
• Donald Trump is either the biggest doofus or the smartest con artist I've ever seen, but either reality is terrifying
• Urban Decay makes really good lipsticks
• JoJo picked the wrong Bachelor (!!! so mad about this !!!)
• A lot of bad stuff still happens in the world and some people are really sucky but sometimes people do nice things or are just genuinely good people, and the world is just a little bit better

This post was brought to you by a sheer lack of motivation to do anything else, and peach iced tea.

Example #1 of some really good people, my freshmen hallmates

Example #2: NKE fam, the best & brightest

Example #3, last but certainly not least, my real fam <333

How to Deal

Note from the Author: I recently posted the following blog on Facebook, but I thought I would put it here as well for everyone else in the big wide world that might see this and need it. Also, here's a quote from Harry Potter that I saw brought up again on Facebook, that really touched me - "Do not pity the dead, Harry. Pity the living, and, above all, those who live without love."

What happened in Orlando over the weekend has taken a toll on many and has caused many of us to (re)open our eyes to the consequences of our country's stance on gun control. I said before that while thoughts and prayers mean a lot, they just aren't enough anymore. What needs to happen is action. If you think that nothing is being done to prevent these atrocious crimes, do something about it. Seriously, it won't take long or much effort, but every voice counts.

This website will tell you how your state senators voted in regards to background checks for rifle purchases. Elsewhere on the website it will also tell you if your senator is one of the many who've received funding from the NRA. If this displeases you, tell them. Don't stay silent.
http://everytown.org/senate-votes/
https://www.contactingthecongress.org/

Yet another thing you can do is sign a White House petition to end the sale of AR-15 weapons to civilians, who, in my 100% biased opinion, do not need to be in the hands of civilians at all, no matter the fact that they are "highly accurate and customizable weapon[s]... sought after for hunting" (taken directly from another petition opting to disregard this petition).
https://petitions.whitehouse.gov/petition/ban-ar-15-civilian-ownership

It's just too much to keep seeing these things happen, so much and so often that we're becoming desensitized to it. The day we all become numb is the day all hope is lost. Please please please don't let this become just another headline.

EDIT: In wake of all of this politicizing of a mass shooting, please also don't forget the people who died in Orlando. Please don't forget that, despite your opinions on LGBTQA+ rights, these were people just the same, and they had people who loved them.
http://www.cnn.com/2016/06/13/us/anderson-cooper-reads-orlando-shooting-victims-names/index.html

9 Things I Learned from Staying in a Cabin for 48 Hours for No Reason

In case you were wondering what it's like to go on what is an essential "stay-cation" in your hometown, literally 5 minutes away from the Chipotle you used to always go to before one was built closer to your house.

1. You will have neighbors, even if you're staying at the cabin in May before Memorial Day and it's a rainy weekend during which no one in their right mind thinks to go "camping."

Somewhere, not really in the middle of nowhere, but still

2. Usually the aforementioned neighbors will not make themselves known until you want to go to sleep.

Us, not amused

3. You'd be surprised how bold these deer can be.

I didn't get a picture of the deer, but one walked on THAT VERY PATCH OF DIRT right before our eyes

4. Wood paneling is still (very much) a thing.

It was EVERYWHERE

5. S'mores taste better when your brother makes sure you come outside and make them with everyone else instead of staying inside for fear of mosquitoes (and other creepy crawlies).

6. The only pictures you should be taking are with a Polaroid or Polaroid-ish camera, for #aesthetic reasons. I made that rule up, but I also broke it a few times. It's cool.

7. Don't go in rivers barefoot, there's sewage in rivers, it's a thing, trust me. But I mean, if you're fearless, you do you, boo.

8. Your sister will ask you to watch "Fight Club" with her, reminding you throughout the day that you have plans to do so, and then promptly fall asleep 20 minutes into the movie, but that is no reason not to do it anyway.

9. You could probably do it again because it wasn't actually *that* bad, and the excuse to play board games with your family even if you think you're too old for them is a good enough reason to come back.

Gotta love my fave weirdos

I'm a Free Woman (!!!)

Since I wrote last, I've finished my first year of college!!! Looking back, it was harder than I realized at the time because all I was focused on was getting through it as successfully as possible. But I did it! Not being one to toot my own horn that often, I must say that I'm pretty proud of myself for everything I did this year, not the least of which was making some really great friends. I miss them already... But like, I can do things like drive and sleep when I'm home... So I guess I'll just see them in August!

But anyway, my summer has already begun now that my academic year is over. Currently, I'm in the process of getting a job, as well as planning a few trips that are coming up very soon. It's fun while also being kind of stressful, which is kind of how I imagine adulthood to be. Also, upon my mom's not so subtle suggestion, it's apparently time to transition my bedroom from high school to college. Or, in other words, get rid of all my useless crap and make it look nice for once. Which I have mixed feelings about. On one hand, I love my useless crap, otherwise I wouldn't have kept it for the past few (many) years. On the other hand, I've watched A LOT of HGTV recently. I'm kind of ready for this.

Speaking of changes, I'm feeling very... open to change, I guess you could say. In addition to completely overhauling my entire bedroom, I'm feeling incredibly inspired to try lots of other new things. For example, I've traditionally avoided classic books, like 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea, and Phantom of the Opera, and yet, I bought both of these two days ago. Also, my hair has gotten incredibly long (I'm talking touching-the-top-of-my-pants long) and I desperately want to chop it off, despite the fact that I've wanted hair this long my entire life and have never had a good experience with short hair. WHO EVEN AM I? Here's to hoping my entirely out-of-character impulses don't end badly!

I just wanted to write because I haven't in a while, and it felt kind of necessary. Hopefully this summer will be interesting enough that I'll have reason enough to write more. I will also hopefully break out of this literary rut in which all I write about are life updates instead of stuff that is of actual merit and is, I don't know, fun. But we'll see. :P

To leave you, here's a link to an Adele song that I am listening to right this very second that I love already. Seriously, it's awesome. Ugh, what can't this woman do?

Is Anyone Out There?

If you're reading this right now, I want to extend a virtual hug to you for sticking around even though I am the literal worst. The last time I wrote for this platform was in 2015, for New Year's. That's awful, if I say I have a blog, I should damn well write for it! So that's why I'm here today, because even though I have so much school and extracurricular work to do I'm actually dying a little bit more everyday, the guilt for neglecting Slow Lane was eating at me just a tad more.

So yeah, here we are.

I'm currently 3 weeks away from the official end of my first year of college. Which is CRAZZZYYY. It's insane how fast this year has gone by, and what I've managed to accomplish in the span of 9 months. I've joined a music sorority, become a staff writer for a campus art/fashion/photography magazine called ROCKET, and gotten involved with various miscellaneous things around campus that I never would've believed I could do a year ago. I've taken classes that have pushed me to intellectual, musical, and physical limits, which scared me at first, but now excites me when I can accomplish something I doubted I could in the beginning. Just as an example, one of my classes is Intro to Stage Lighting, which I stupidly thought would be easy. Instead of being easy, I've put in more labor hours than I've ever done in my entire life, and got over my intense fear of heights in the process. Even though it's the most intense class I'm taking, I've learned the most from it. Even if I'll never really admit it.

This year, I've also made some really great friends. The sisters in my music sorority, Nu Kappa Epsilon (NKE for short),  are astounding, wonderful, glorious people that I'm so lucky to know, and I couldn't be more grateful to them for creating a place and an organization that's allowed us all to feel comfortable being our 100% true selves. It was weird, at first, because I was new and didn't really know anyone, but slowly and surely I was able to connect with so many of the sisters. I have my "family" that I love, and people who aren't part of the fam that I also greatly appreciate for how welcoming and friendly and genuine they are. I'm so, so glad I found at least one little corner of my school to which I know I can always come back.

My fam, the greatest there ever was

The WHOLE NKE fam, <3 (less-than-three)

(Most of) my pledge class, fabulous as ever

In addition to NKE, my hallmates have been absolutely amazing. I live in one of the smallest freshmen dorms on campus, and as a result, nearly all of us have gotten to know each other pretty well. I didn't realize that was abnormal until I talked to people from other dorms who didn't even know the names of everyone on their floor, let alone their entire building. So I'm glad I've had this random, wonderful  bunch of weirdos to live with and get to know better. Every single one of them, even the ones I don't speak to as often, has contributed something pretty great to the dorm dynamic, and being a person who can appreciate a heartwarming communal atmosphere every once in a while, I couldn't have gotten luckier with my dorm arrangement. Next year is really going to be hard, not being around them as much. But I'm glad we had this year. <3

You know friends are good friends when they get burgers with you for your birthday when your birthday is during finals

Snowed in, watching Broad City, stealing my dill chips, it's casual

Fancy dinners for fancy people (*jokes*)

A complicated arrangement in which the loser of  a Yu-Gi-Oh battle would also lose a game of Assasins. Idek. 

But yeah, as the year winds down, the work sure as hell doesn't. I'm going on my fourth hell week in a row. That's a month of non-stop ridiculousness that I've only barely gotten through. Just this past weekend, I pulled an all-nighter from Sunday to Monday trying to finish a paper for one of my classes, and even though it was cool to be able to take a shower at 7 AM but not have to wake up for it, I hadn't been that tired since graduation season. Actually that might be a lie, it was probably earlier this school year, but I try to block painful memories. Anyway, I'm just excited for the summer. For me, it officially starts May 4th, and I don't have to be back at school until the end of August. Somehow I feel like I'm cheating the system, with a break that long. But I mean, don't look a gift horse in the mouth, amiright?

As for next year, I have a few plans up my sleeve. I intend to rush a social Greek sorority, which will be stressful but fun. I'll also be the Features Editor for ROCKET, which will also be stressful, but I'm going to try my hardest to make it worth it. I don't know if I'll become a big and take a little for NKE during the fall, but I definitely will by the springtime. (Don't hold me to that, though, I feel like I don't yet know what I'm getting myself into....) Also! I did a piece for ROCKET about people who do shows for the campus radio station, and it fascinated me. I'm very intrigued, and I kind of want to try it out, even if I'm limited to playing only songs my parents will know because they'll be my only 2 loyal listeners. I'm cool with that. I just want to get involved, but we'll see. My goals for next year are to do well academically, and get super involved with extracurricular activities, like I was in high school. I don't know how to not be busy, what can I say? ;P

Pathways from the Wren towards my ***bright*** future

I'd end this post here, but I feel like my legions of loyal readers will be disappointed if I don't arbitrarily state my favorite songs at the moment. So here's a ~*brief*~ list.

Carry You - Phillip Larue
Barcelona - George Ezra
Slow Dancing - Two Worlds
Elizabeth Taylor - Clare Maguire
(Girl We Got A) Good Thing - Weezer
All Downhill from Here - The Summer Set (their entire new album, Stories for Monday, is amazing btw)
When Did Your Heart Go Missing? - Rooney (an oldie but a goodie)
Chronic (The Knocks High in Harajuku Remix) - Phoebe Ryan (I quite literally cannot stop myself from dancing to this, it's such a good remix)
Tilted - Christine and the Queens
Where You Are - Hillsong Young & Free (Sometimes Christian Rock has deceptively good beats also I didn't know this was a Christian song until just now)
Loch Lomond - Peter Hollens (an a cappella group on campus sings this as a senior goodbye song and it's absolutely stunning)
Send Me on My Way - Rusted Root
Come and Get It - John Newman
Can't Sleep Love - Pentatonix
WHERE THE HELL ARE MY FRIENDS - LANY (they capitalized it like that, not me. But I agree)
The entire new 1975 album, which I will review in full at a later time, but oh my GOD it is so GOOD (link is one of my favorite songs from it)
Post-Breakup Sex - The Vaccines
Teenage Idol - The Vaccines
Virgins - Death from Above 1979 (Sam, if you're reading this, I only know this band bc of you, so thanks)
White is Red - Death from Above 1979
All My Friends - Snakehips, Tinashe, Chance the Rapper
River - Leon Bridges
Gold - Kiiara
The Rules for Lovers - Richard Walters
Leave a Trace - CHVRCHES
Lemon Eyes - Meg Myers
All I Wanna Say - Lontalius

I'll stop here, for real now. Although I haven't recommended songs in so long, I could honestly keep going and make this ridiculously long post even more ridiculous. But I digress.

The important thing is...
 I'M BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER*

 (*overstatement, but like, whatever)

New Year's Eve is For Sequin Sweatpants

Let me preface this by saying I've always kind of loathed New Year's. I never saw the sense in celebrating the end of something good in favor of welcoming something unknown. The older I get the more I realize the allure is more about an excuse to wear outrageous amounts of glitter and drink fizzy things from fancy cups.I hate sentimentality when it means change, because change is one of the things I hate the most. However, I think this year is an important enough year to reflect on, for a lot of reasons. I want to keep this a relatively short piece, though, given that we've all got things to do for New Year's Eve, and not a whole lot of time to dedicate to some dumb 19-year-old's blog. So, on with it then.

2015 was probably one of the weirdest years of my entire life. Don't get me wrong, I loved nearly all of it, but I've never experienced a year like this before, and I probably won't ever again. This year, I graduated high school, said goodbye to my best friend who went from across the street to across the country, left my academic responsibilities behind for a summer for the first time, and started a little thing called college. Not to be presumptuous or anything, but I always kind of knew stuff like this was going to happen in my life. I just never anticipated what it was actually going to be like. You know, in real life instead of in my imagination.

While I knew some parts of this year were going to be sad, like saying goodbye to my childhood friends and letting go of being at the top of the academic food chain that I had waited 12 long years to get to, I also knew that new and equally great things were to come. After a little bit of a rough adjustment, college started to become what I'd always hoped it would be - this independent oasis of a place where you could finally, finally decide what was important enough to dedicate all your time towards. It was amazing. Not to mention all the crazy antics and dumb stuff my new friends and I found time to get into. Senior year was by far my favorite academic year of my entire public school experience, but now that I've started college, I have high hopes for the future.

I don't think I'll ever like New Year's, or change, but I think I'm getting better at looking towards the positive side of things. I think the sweatpants I'm wearing that are entirely covered in sequins may have something to do with this change in attitude, but I'd like to think being 19 has made me a little less shallow than that. (But let's be real, sequins solve most of my problems.)

P.S. Happy New Year, you sparkly, fizzy weirdos. :) <3

The sequin pants in question