I Forgot How to Tie My Loose Ends

I don't know who reads this blog. Honestly, I think my family forgot I still had it, and I don't think my friends even know. I don't expect people to care who I am or what I write or what happens in my life, I just write about it because it helps me to think about it all in a way that helps me understand. Sometimes, I write about specific people, knowing they'll never read what I'm saying about (or to) them. Like now.

I want this to be an open letter to all the people I'm leaving behind in less than two weeks as I move to college. All the people I sort of knew, but didn't know as well as I would've liked, you are all very special people and you've impacted me in countless ways. To the girl I wanted to hate but couldn't because she was just so sweet, I hope you go far in life and I can't wait to root for you. To the boy in my 9th grade gym class that got bullied by the self-righteous douche-bags, you are ten times the man they will ever be and never stop being absurdly yourself, because you're awesome. To my guitar teacher, and my homeroom teacher, and my 11th grade English teacher, and my physics teacher, you all believed in my abilities even when I sometimes couldn't live up to your expectations, and I will always be grateful for that. To the boys I thought I was in love with, I wasn't. I know that now. But all 3 of you are still very important to me, and even though I know you never really thought of me that way, you will hold a place in my heart forever (even if that part is very small in order to make room for someone more important).

To all of my friends going to different colleges in different cities and different states, if I don't see you for a while, I hope you are doing well, and I hope you're getting everything out of life that you deserve, because you are all exceptional people, and I love you with my whole heart. Expect a HUGE hug the next time I see you.

And finally, to my family. I will miss you indefinitely, but the great thing about family is that they're always there. I can see you whenever I want, and I am so grateful for that. I hope you all continue to grow while I'm gone, and I hope I make you proud.

Courtesy of girlpansy on Tumblr

Save Your Youth For Later : High School Junior Edition

As (high school) midterms loom closer and closer, more and more of my peers are starting to lose it. Not in the literal, mental-breakdown kind of way, but in the "I have so much anxiety I might just explode" kind of way. As juniors, we have to make sure everything we do is impressive, if we ever hope to get into our dream colleges.It's a tough act to handle, because on top of juggling actual school work (which, admittedly, gets pretty overwhelming sometimes,) we also have to maintain leadership positions, actively volunteer within our community, and participate in at least one sport or club, if not more, (and in most cases, mine included, it's definitely more). Midterms are stressful because they factor in to your semester grades, and if you bomb them, you're in trouble. At such a young age we are expected to make sure our futures are solidified by excelling at everything, and as worth it as it is to get into college and finally begin the journey to the career of our choice, it's actually kind of sad to think of all the experiences we're missing out on while we're focusing so hard on making our resumes competitive. How many of us actually enjoy ALL of the extracurricular activities we participate in? Nearly everyone I know is a member of at least one club or is doing a particular sport solely based on how good it will look on college applications. That's more time given that we don't necessarily have, committed to something we aren't even passionate about.  The closer and closer I get to college, the more I almost resent it, because the idea of college has dictated my entire life ever since I was about 11 years old. That's 6 whole years and counting of my childhood, spent stressing out about college. There has to be a rule against that, somewhere, hopefully.  My parents observe the mental state of me and my peers and the exhaustion and anxiety we put ourselves through, and wonder what changed between their generation and ours, because they were never like this. I can only imagine what my children will be forced to endure in order to succeed. It's a scary thought, that's for sure.

**I am the original author of this post, but it will also be posted on Huffington Post Teen. 

An Open Letter to My Sister the Freshman

Dear Little Sis,

So, you are now officially a freshman in high school. As the older, cooler, more experienced sister, I feel obligated to give you some advice, as much as you say you don't want to hear it. ;) Feel free to thank me later.

First of all, no matter what anyone tells you, bring a jacket, at least a light one. Our school is notorious for being indecisive when it comes to A.C. and heating. One room could be ninety degrees and the room next to it could be -30. (That's an exaggeration, but it doesn't feel like it when you're shivering and sweating through it.)

Also, ask questions. It's not dumb or stupid, so don't feel like you're above it. You'll be the one laughing when you don't have to sit through test retakes at 8 o'clock in the morning because you asked 37 questions BEFORE the test. ;)

On another note, I know you're worried about memorizing the layout of the school, and I could try explaining it in words but I think we both know how that's going to turn out so I'm just going to save my breath and say you will get used to it by the end of the first month, don't worry. 

As a high schooler in a school that thoughtfully employs teachers that seem to have just gotten out of college, it is totally okay to have a crush on a teacher and - gasp - think one or two of them are hot. What's not okay is to act on it in any way other than gossiping about it with your friends. That's when you start getting into illegal territory. If you think I'm crazy, just wait. I give it a week before you start liking that science teacher of yours.

Lockers are only useful if you want them to be. I know a ton of people that didn't use their lockers once, and instead carried around as little amount of stuff as possible but still had everything they needed. I don't know how they did it, because I used my locker religiously between every single class, so you're going to have to figure that one out on your own.

Don't forget, there's a whole other school of kids that are joining you this year, (that's why there's freakin' 700 of you,) so branch out and expand your group of friends. A great way to do this (other than basketball, cough cough,) is through clubs. There are clubs that look good on college applications, and there are clubs that are actually fun. I suggest a mixture of both. (German club is kind of stupid though, just so you know.)

Finally, listen to the song "Brave" by Sara Bareilles. Listen, and pay attention. That's my final piece of advice for you. Good luck, dork. <3

Love, Your Big Sis

P.S. - I'm always available, if you can find me, for help if you need it. So are all of my friends.

P.P.S. - NEVER be the first one in the cafeteria. If you have to hide out in the stall of a bathroom for an extra five minutes, do it. Never be the one sitting at a table alone.

OMG WTF BTS!!!

For many of us, especially those of us in my generation, it's THAT time of year again. The time to start buying no. 2 pencils and spiral notebooks, the time to start getting up at unholy hours and socialize with people we don't like, the time to go back to school. When I was little, I loved this time of year. I still do, but for different reasons. When I was younger, the school year was the only time I was able to consistently see my friends for any length of time. It was just easier to hang out at school than try to arrange a play-date, (mind you, this was before the social networking, cellular age). Now, I like going back to school, not necessarily because it's the only time to see my friends, (because it's not, I can drive now, thankyouverymuch,) but because the social aspect of fall is one of my favorite times of the year. I love going to football games on Friday nights and looking forward to homecoming week and the homecoming dance, and even the academics are easier to manage in the fall. That's what I'm looking forward to.

Despite the fact that I've had to do summer assignments for honors classes the past 3 years, summer hasn't been that bad, though. We've gone to beaches and taken day trips and spent time with family and friends. But every year, halfway through August, I start to get bored of the meaningless days that bleed one into the next. Sure, there are anomalies here and there where I actually find the motivation to make my day count, but most of the time I end up wasting the day, and while this depresses me to think about, I find no reason to change it if there's nothing better to do. (I procrastinated those summer assignments until the very end of summer, so those don't count as something to do.) This year, though, I got a job. I mentioned it in a previous post, but this past week was my last day there. I ended up working 102 hours at $12.50 per hour, totaling out to a lump sum of $1,275. I'm proud of myself for earning this much money, but I am beyond relieved that I'm done working that job. I'm not denying that it made good money and I was lucky to find it, but the futility and pointlessness of my job was incredibly discouraging, never mind the fact that I worked from 9 AM to about 5 PM every day on average. I'm still a student, so I'm not used to working like that, and I missed hanging out with my friends and doing nothing. I guess you can't have it both ways, but that job is another reason why I can't wait to get back to school. I'm ready for some normalcy, a schedule, and having my social life back. I miss the days where I looked forward to every aspect of "Back to School," but right now I'm just grateful to be getting back to the life I know and am used to. Even if it means a crap-ton of homework and "self-righteous pawns in a losing game," (as Hayley Williams so eloquently put it in the song "Grow Up." )