Sometimes I Want to Hide For 30 Years

Lately, I've been feeling a lot of stress. Which isn't so unusual in theory, given that I'm an American high school junior, but it's starting to feel a little overwhelming. I am currently preparing to audition for the highest level guitar class offered at my school, which I don't think I'm prepared for, which makes me feel like I can't do anything right and am totally inadequate. That, on top of all my AP exams and standardized tests, extracurricular activities, and oh yeah, prom, which is this Saturday, are really starting to get to me. I haven't cleaned my room in weeks, and it's giving me anxiety but I don't have time to clean it thoroughly the way I want to. My outfits and my hair and makeup are going to shit little by little every day, which just makes me feel great (insert a heavy dose of sarcasm here). I just tried to read an essay that I wrote MYSELF in French class, and I couldn't even get through it all without stumbling over the words. And I wrote the damn thing, what the hell is wrong with me? For the rest of the school year, I have one thing or another, (or multiple) to worry about every single day, and I don't know if I can get through it all without a few nervous breakdowns. Tonight, my family and I were going out to get frozen yogurt after my guitar concert, and I started crying because I couldn't stop thinking about how impressive and talented everyone else was and how I didn't measure up at all. I think everyone thinks I'm going insane, and maybe I am, but I can't help it. There is so much on my plate right now, and I don't know how I'm going to begin to get through it.

Save Your Youth For Later : High School Junior Edition

As (high school) midterms loom closer and closer, more and more of my peers are starting to lose it. Not in the literal, mental-breakdown kind of way, but in the "I have so much anxiety I might just explode" kind of way. As juniors, we have to make sure everything we do is impressive, if we ever hope to get into our dream colleges.It's a tough act to handle, because on top of juggling actual school work (which, admittedly, gets pretty overwhelming sometimes,) we also have to maintain leadership positions, actively volunteer within our community, and participate in at least one sport or club, if not more, (and in most cases, mine included, it's definitely more). Midterms are stressful because they factor in to your semester grades, and if you bomb them, you're in trouble. At such a young age we are expected to make sure our futures are solidified by excelling at everything, and as worth it as it is to get into college and finally begin the journey to the career of our choice, it's actually kind of sad to think of all the experiences we're missing out on while we're focusing so hard on making our resumes competitive. How many of us actually enjoy ALL of the extracurricular activities we participate in? Nearly everyone I know is a member of at least one club or is doing a particular sport solely based on how good it will look on college applications. That's more time given that we don't necessarily have, committed to something we aren't even passionate about.  The closer and closer I get to college, the more I almost resent it, because the idea of college has dictated my entire life ever since I was about 11 years old. That's 6 whole years and counting of my childhood, spent stressing out about college. There has to be a rule against that, somewhere, hopefully.  My parents observe the mental state of me and my peers and the exhaustion and anxiety we put ourselves through, and wonder what changed between their generation and ours, because they were never like this. I can only imagine what my children will be forced to endure in order to succeed. It's a scary thought, that's for sure.

**I am the original author of this post, but it will also be posted on Huffington Post Teen.