Without any kind of preface, I'm just going to come right out and say that I have been deferred from 2 out of 3 colleges that I applied to Early Action. I was accepted into the third school, which is great because not only did I get in, I got into the Honors Program, as well as receiving a research grant and scholarship money. WHICH IS NOTHING TO COMPLAIN ABOUT. I know this. But it wasn't my first choice school. I was deferred from my first choice, and I happened to find out about that deferral on the afternoon of my 18th birthday party, which kind of sucked. And then, this past Friday, the last day of my first semester of my final year of high school, I got the news that I'd been deferred from yet another school. To make matters just a little worse, I watched my social media feeds fill up with updates about how literally everyone else seemed to have gotten in.
Most of the time, I think my life would make a pretty funny sitcom, because usually things are happy-go-lucky and hilarious. But this moment would fit right in with all the other awkwardly tough moments every good sitcom has once in a while to keep things interesting. Honestly, the worst part was that I'd convinced myself that I was a shoo-in to get in. I wasn't, apparently. And I'm not going to lie and say it didn't affect me, because it totally did. I cried for hours, although not immediately after finding out. When I first found out, I was irrationally angry. Then, later on when I had to explain to my parents that I didn't officially get in to yet another school, I started to get emotional. I cried in my mom's arms like a child, because it felt like a SUPER HUGE jab to my self-esteem and self-worth. That night was a definite low for me, because I couldn't stop myself from feeling like I wasn't good enough, or smart enough, or talented in any way.
Thankfully, with the help of my super supportive parents and friends who are the best at giving pep talks, and a much needed night of sleep, I woke up the next day not nearly as torn apart about everything. I still masochistically checked my social media, but throughout the day it got easier and easier to get over myself and think more positively. I keep having to remind myself that a deferral is NOT a rejection, although it isn't easy. But, when I got my first letter of deferral, my friend wisely told me something that I'd like to pass on to you - deferral isn't rejection, it's redirection. It's taken me until now to fully remember that quote, which I think is a sign that now, as I'm hashing out all the details for the world to see, I may finally be realizing that things aren't as bad as they seem. It may feel like nothing in my life is going exactly as planned, but as many seniors keep repeating to themselves, I'm going to be fine. I'm going to end up wherever I'm supposed to be, and everything is going to be okay. Everything is going to just fine. (Eventually.)
Tuesday, January 27, 2015
Saturday, January 10, 2015
Things That Make Me Cringe (Or Not)
Things that make me cringe:
- When men tell women to fix their attitudes
- Off-pitch singing that's taken seriously
- Chicken pot pie
- People with absolutely no filter that don't care about being rude
- Oblivious stage whispers
- Butcher shops
- The look on someone's face when their [genuine and nonthreatening] hug has been rejected and someone pushes them off
- Calculus.
- The sound of open-mouthed chewing
- Dog whimpers
- Poorly executed selfies
- Oversleeping
Things that definitely do NOT make me cringe:
- Puppies and kittens sleeping where they shouldn't
- Shredded cheese (I don't know why so don't ask)
- Acing a really hard exam or test
- Beating my instructor at a fencing bout
- When people try to tell a joke but can't because they're laughing so hard
- As of right now, "Love Me Like You Do" by Ellie Goulding (damn you 50 Shades of Gray for your bomb ass soundtrack)
- Tyler Oakley and his collabs
- Concerts where you're squished up next to strangers and everyone's sweaty and singing really loud and even though it's smelly it's still kind of awesome
- Unexpectedly good hair days
- When babies grab onto one or two of my fingers
- Finishing a really good book
Saturday, January 3, 2015
New Year New Me (Or Something Like That)
WELCOME TO 2015 FRIENDS!!! Despite not having posted anything during the month of December, I actually had quite an eventful month. And I'm here to tell you all about it, among other things, because my New Year's resolution was to journal more, and I'd like to think this is a form of my journal, minus the weird personal details. So here we go.
At the beginning of the month, I went with my fellow AP Government classmates to visit the Capitol building in Washington, DC. It was a whirlwind trip, and even though it took all day, it felt as if we spent most of our day getting through security checkpoints. We got to sit in on a session of the Senate, which sounds cool but was actually painfully boring, at least for my group, (we were the lucky ones that got to sit in on a discussion about the continuance of the postal service in Wisconsin and Vermont). My favorite part of the trip was the politically engaging discussion my friends and I had during the bus ride about feminism and social implications of police violence. Sometimes it surprises me how much I have to learn from my peers, and I consider myself lucky to be among some very intelligent people. (Not all of them are intelligent, mind you, but there definitely a few very smart people that I cherish.)
About a week later, a monumental event occurred. I turned 18. I know, I know, I'm shocked, too. How is it possible that someone such as myself is now a legal adult? Somewhere the writers of that rule are turning in their graves. I couldn't be more excited, though. I can now order things off infomercials, go out driving past midnight, buy lottery tickets and cigarettes, and get tried as an adult. None of these things I actually have an interest in, but it's the principle of the matter. And the actual day of my birthday was fantastic. So many people wished me a happy birthday, I found the need to post a Facebook status update just to let everyone know how loved I felt. It was kind of awesome, because people who aren't even really my friends sent me Twitter and Facebook messages and all day, I just wanted to curl into a ball and smile like an idiot because HOLY SHIT people like me. :)
At the end of that week, my friend and I threw a joint birthday party at my house (her birthday is later in December). That was yet another moment of utter joy, at least for me but also I think for my friend. My house was packed with all of our closest friends, and I wanted to gather everyone in a group hug and never leave that moment. If any of them are reading this, I hope you know that that party, and my 18th birthday as a whole, was the best birthday celebration I've ever had, and I can't even begin to express how much I love you all.
Then, of course, after a final week of school before break, which was filled with last-minute tests, quizzes, and a surprising two day run of hallway caroling with my guitar class, it was finally Christmas!! I love Christmas, even now as wise old legal adult, and I love having my family with me to celebrate it. Even this year, which felt a little weird because one of my favorite cousins has now moved to Utah for her job, I still felt constantly wrapped in a warm blanket of familial love and joy and chocolate (which we had a lot of). The only thing that sucked was that night, as everyone was packing up and getting ready to go home after their final slice of cheesecake, I felt super queasy and not at all festive and jolly. Later that night was absolutely awful, and the following day was even worse. After a quick Google search, I discovered that I had every single symptom of the stomach flu. Peachy. Luckily, I was able to get over it relatively quickly, and was back to normal by New Year's Eve.
In between Christmas and New Year's Eve, my mom and I went to my neighbor's wedding, who happens to be the older sister of my best friend. It was a beautiful reception held in their church, (the ceremony had been earlier in the day,) and I was so happy to see my friend again. I wasn't feeling 100% better, but found some weird kind of solace in the fact that my friend was suffering the same thing. We laughed at it and danced briefly in front of everyone before feeling queasy again and sitting down. It was a real bonding moment.
New Year's Eve was surprisingly eventful. I went to work with my mom earlier in the day to make some quick money (because Christmas money only goes so far, kids,) and then spent the rest of the day watching chick flicks, (The Wedding Planner, Miss Congeniality, and The Proposal, in order). And just as I was texting with my friends about how lame it felt to be home with your parents on New Year's, my cousins came over and we had ourselves an impromptu NYE party. It was pretty low maintenance, all things considered, but it was good to have people there to celebrate the coming of the new year with. We watched Taylor Swift and One Direction perform in Times Square, followed by the dropping of the New Year's ball. Then we cheered with nonalcoholic beverages and took Polaroid pictures, as one does.
Alright, well, if you've read this far, I commend you, because Lord knows I can get hella boring when it comes to talking about my life and whatnot. I'm not going to make any promises (because that will just disappoint everyone when I can't follow through,) but I will definitely commit to trying to post more often. I'm currently reading the book Girl Online by Zoe Sugg, and the main character, Penny, runs a blog that she updates weekly. I think that is a tremendous idea. Maybe Saturday or Sunday nights? That definitely sounds plausible. I really want to develop this blog, not only for myself, but maybe because somewhere out there someone will find this and think I'm a super cool awesome person that writes really well. I don't know, maybe. I'd also like to try to use more of my own pictures, because I think I may love photography without outright admitting it, so this will be a great outlet for that secret love (not including Instagram, which I am sort of addicted to but also don't want to be obnoxious on). Ok, I've said enough, I should go do something actually productive now.
At the beginning of the month, I went with my fellow AP Government classmates to visit the Capitol building in Washington, DC. It was a whirlwind trip, and even though it took all day, it felt as if we spent most of our day getting through security checkpoints. We got to sit in on a session of the Senate, which sounds cool but was actually painfully boring, at least for my group, (we were the lucky ones that got to sit in on a discussion about the continuance of the postal service in Wisconsin and Vermont). My favorite part of the trip was the politically engaging discussion my friends and I had during the bus ride about feminism and social implications of police violence. Sometimes it surprises me how much I have to learn from my peers, and I consider myself lucky to be among some very intelligent people. (Not all of them are intelligent, mind you, but there definitely a few very smart people that I cherish.)
About a week later, a monumental event occurred. I turned 18. I know, I know, I'm shocked, too. How is it possible that someone such as myself is now a legal adult? Somewhere the writers of that rule are turning in their graves. I couldn't be more excited, though. I can now order things off infomercials, go out driving past midnight, buy lottery tickets and cigarettes, and get tried as an adult. None of these things I actually have an interest in, but it's the principle of the matter. And the actual day of my birthday was fantastic. So many people wished me a happy birthday, I found the need to post a Facebook status update just to let everyone know how loved I felt. It was kind of awesome, because people who aren't even really my friends sent me Twitter and Facebook messages and all day, I just wanted to curl into a ball and smile like an idiot because HOLY SHIT people like me. :)
At the end of that week, my friend and I threw a joint birthday party at my house (her birthday is later in December). That was yet another moment of utter joy, at least for me but also I think for my friend. My house was packed with all of our closest friends, and I wanted to gather everyone in a group hug and never leave that moment. If any of them are reading this, I hope you know that that party, and my 18th birthday as a whole, was the best birthday celebration I've ever had, and I can't even begin to express how much I love you all.
Then, of course, after a final week of school before break, which was filled with last-minute tests, quizzes, and a surprising two day run of hallway caroling with my guitar class, it was finally Christmas!! I love Christmas, even now as wise old legal adult, and I love having my family with me to celebrate it. Even this year, which felt a little weird because one of my favorite cousins has now moved to Utah for her job, I still felt constantly wrapped in a warm blanket of familial love and joy and chocolate (which we had a lot of). The only thing that sucked was that night, as everyone was packing up and getting ready to go home after their final slice of cheesecake, I felt super queasy and not at all festive and jolly. Later that night was absolutely awful, and the following day was even worse. After a quick Google search, I discovered that I had every single symptom of the stomach flu. Peachy. Luckily, I was able to get over it relatively quickly, and was back to normal by New Year's Eve.
In between Christmas and New Year's Eve, my mom and I went to my neighbor's wedding, who happens to be the older sister of my best friend. It was a beautiful reception held in their church, (the ceremony had been earlier in the day,) and I was so happy to see my friend again. I wasn't feeling 100% better, but found some weird kind of solace in the fact that my friend was suffering the same thing. We laughed at it and danced briefly in front of everyone before feeling queasy again and sitting down. It was a real bonding moment.
New Year's Eve was surprisingly eventful. I went to work with my mom earlier in the day to make some quick money (because Christmas money only goes so far, kids,) and then spent the rest of the day watching chick flicks, (The Wedding Planner, Miss Congeniality, and The Proposal, in order). And just as I was texting with my friends about how lame it felt to be home with your parents on New Year's, my cousins came over and we had ourselves an impromptu NYE party. It was pretty low maintenance, all things considered, but it was good to have people there to celebrate the coming of the new year with. We watched Taylor Swift and One Direction perform in Times Square, followed by the dropping of the New Year's ball. Then we cheered with nonalcoholic beverages and took Polaroid pictures, as one does.
Alright, well, if you've read this far, I commend you, because Lord knows I can get hella boring when it comes to talking about my life and whatnot. I'm not going to make any promises (because that will just disappoint everyone when I can't follow through,) but I will definitely commit to trying to post more often. I'm currently reading the book Girl Online by Zoe Sugg, and the main character, Penny, runs a blog that she updates weekly. I think that is a tremendous idea. Maybe Saturday or Sunday nights? That definitely sounds plausible. I really want to develop this blog, not only for myself, but maybe because somewhere out there someone will find this and think I'm a super cool awesome person that writes really well. I don't know, maybe. I'd also like to try to use more of my own pictures, because I think I may love photography without outright admitting it, so this will be a great outlet for that secret love (not including Instagram, which I am sort of addicted to but also don't want to be obnoxious on). Ok, I've said enough, I should go do something actually productive now.
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