Sometimes I Want to Hide For 30 Years

Lately, I've been feeling a lot of stress. Which isn't so unusual in theory, given that I'm an American high school junior, but it's starting to feel a little overwhelming. I am currently preparing to audition for the highest level guitar class offered at my school, which I don't think I'm prepared for, which makes me feel like I can't do anything right and am totally inadequate. That, on top of all my AP exams and standardized tests, extracurricular activities, and oh yeah, prom, which is this Saturday, are really starting to get to me. I haven't cleaned my room in weeks, and it's giving me anxiety but I don't have time to clean it thoroughly the way I want to. My outfits and my hair and makeup are going to shit little by little every day, which just makes me feel great (insert a heavy dose of sarcasm here). I just tried to read an essay that I wrote MYSELF in French class, and I couldn't even get through it all without stumbling over the words. And I wrote the damn thing, what the hell is wrong with me? For the rest of the school year, I have one thing or another, (or multiple) to worry about every single day, and I don't know if I can get through it all without a few nervous breakdowns. Tonight, my family and I were going out to get frozen yogurt after my guitar concert, and I started crying because I couldn't stop thinking about how impressive and talented everyone else was and how I didn't measure up at all. I think everyone thinks I'm going insane, and maybe I am, but I can't help it. There is so much on my plate right now, and I don't know how I'm going to begin to get through it.