Life - The Good, Bad, and Ugly Parts

Do you know what is simultaneously confusing and stressful? Life. As blunt as that is, it's true, and relevant. As a high school student, and an upperclassman, it's about time for me to start thinking seriously about what I want to do with the rest of my life, which in turn will lead me to deciding which college I want to go to. This is the conundrum of my generation, I'm telling you. Not only is it nearly impossible to narrow down what I actually like to do, it's downright  unfair to ask me to decide how to make that into a career. It also doesn't help that I live in an area where people don't prioritize happiness, because they're too focused on competing with each other for who has the better house, the better car, more money, the more high-end job, etc. When I was younger, I wanted to be chef. Then I realized I don't have the patience to even make toast, so that was out of the question. Then I wanted to be an author, until I came to the painful realization that unless you're J.K. Rowling or J.R.R. Tolkien, writing books isn't a very plentiful career choice. (That's another thing that bugs me - why can't I do the things that I love despite the fact that I won't make a terrible amount of money?) Anyway, after I nixed two career choices that actually made me happy, I started to think realistically. I did a little self-evaluation, and realized that I'm good at arguing, I'm a pretty good problem-solver, and I really want to help people. So, naturally, I decided I wanted to be a lawyer. Not only did it fit my personality almost perfectly, it would make good money, and eventually, lawyers become politicians who become president, which is always fun. But after about a year or two of being dead-set on becoming a lawyer, I thought about the amount of hours and never-ending work that went into becoming and working as a lawyer, and I was terrified of it all. And now, recently, I decided that film-making was my passion, and that was what I was going to do. I've been researching majors and schools that offer film studies and communications programs, and I joined the film club at my school for the sole purpose of exposing myself to the craft outside of making slideshows on my computer. But lo and behold, I've changed my mind again, today. I was laying on my bed and thinking about how my mother has told me before that I'm usually good at all the things I try, but if it doesn't come easy to me, I don't do it. Basically, I'm afraid of working hard for something, because I'm not used to having to do so. This isn't to brag or anything, but it's true, things usually come easy for me. It's also true that I don't usually have to try hard at much of anything. This is a problem. If I'm passionate about something, I need to work for it. Sometimes, it's going to be easy, and I'll welcome the ease. But I can't shy away from or quit things that are hard. So I've decided that maybe becoming a lawyer isn't so bad. It's literally the perfect career choice for me, and I can always minor in film studies. Then, once I've saved up enough money, I can take a hiatus from law and maybe make a movie or two. I can't do the things I want before doing the things I have to do, because life doesn't work that way. Even when I decided I wanted to be a filmmaker, I never totally gave up on the idea of becoming a lawyer, which goes to show that it's still a passion of mine. I think right now, I'm on an adolescent path of self-discovery, and it's okay to change my mind a million times. But at the same time, this is my future I'm debating, and I need to start getting serious.

Clubs on Clubs on Clubs

This year, I've decided to get more involved within my high school than I have in recent years, because I'm an upperclassmen, and I think it's about time I pushed myself out of my comfort zone. I want to try things that I would normally shy away from, because why the hell not? There's nobody telling me I can't but myself, so I'm just gonna shut myself up and do the things I want to do. For example, I'm gonna play football for my school's Homecoming Powder Puff game. It's something that never would've even crossed my mind until this year. To be totally honest, I'm absolutely terrified, especially because the majority of the girls that are doing it are friends with each other, but not necessarily friends with me. I have three other friends of mine that are doing it with me, so that's comforting, but I'm also worried that I'll make a fool of myself. But at the end of the day, I'm just going to regret not doing it if I convince myself to back out. It's a memory in the making, and I know that the triumph of overcoming my social anxiety will be worth a few minutes of terrifying exposure out on the field. This school year is going to be the year of trying really hard to be the best possible version of myself. (That was my New Year's Resolution for 2013, but I'm just going to reiterate it and make it the New School Year Resolution for 2013-2014.) I can only benefit from that mentality.

Speaking of clubs and activities, I'm planning on taking part in A LOT of them, which will make for some pretty interesting, diverse posts in the future. ;) Here's a brief list of  said current and/or potential clubs/activities.

• Film Club
• French Club
• French National Honor Society
• FBLA (Future Business Leaders of America)
• Fitness and Adventure Club
• Tri-M (Music Honor Society) (of which I am treasurer, thankyouverymuch.) 
• Powder Puff 2013
• Interact Club
• NHS (National Honor Society) 

I don't know how I'm going to find the time to fit all this in plus fencing that I do outside of school, a rigorous honors/AP schedule, and trying to maintain a semblance of a social life. But having a license opens up, literally, a world of opportunities. :) Here's to sleepless weeks of making memories!