Is Anyone Out There?

If you're reading this right now, I want to extend a virtual hug to you for sticking around even though I am the literal worst. The last time I wrote for this platform was in 2015, for New Year's. That's awful, if I say I have a blog, I should damn well write for it! So that's why I'm here today, because even though I have so much school and extracurricular work to do I'm actually dying a little bit more everyday, the guilt for neglecting Slow Lane was eating at me just a tad more.

So yeah, here we are.

I'm currently 3 weeks away from the official end of my first year of college. Which is CRAZZZYYY. It's insane how fast this year has gone by, and what I've managed to accomplish in the span of 9 months. I've joined a music sorority, become a staff writer for a campus art/fashion/photography magazine called ROCKET, and gotten involved with various miscellaneous things around campus that I never would've believed I could do a year ago. I've taken classes that have pushed me to intellectual, musical, and physical limits, which scared me at first, but now excites me when I can accomplish something I doubted I could in the beginning. Just as an example, one of my classes is Intro to Stage Lighting, which I stupidly thought would be easy. Instead of being easy, I've put in more labor hours than I've ever done in my entire life, and got over my intense fear of heights in the process. Even though it's the most intense class I'm taking, I've learned the most from it. Even if I'll never really admit it.

This year, I've also made some really great friends. The sisters in my music sorority, Nu Kappa Epsilon (NKE for short),  are astounding, wonderful, glorious people that I'm so lucky to know, and I couldn't be more grateful to them for creating a place and an organization that's allowed us all to feel comfortable being our 100% true selves. It was weird, at first, because I was new and didn't really know anyone, but slowly and surely I was able to connect with so many of the sisters. I have my "family" that I love, and people who aren't part of the fam that I also greatly appreciate for how welcoming and friendly and genuine they are. I'm so, so glad I found at least one little corner of my school to which I know I can always come back.

My fam, the greatest there ever was

The WHOLE NKE fam, <3 (less-than-three)

(Most of) my pledge class, fabulous as ever

In addition to NKE, my hallmates have been absolutely amazing. I live in one of the smallest freshmen dorms on campus, and as a result, nearly all of us have gotten to know each other pretty well. I didn't realize that was abnormal until I talked to people from other dorms who didn't even know the names of everyone on their floor, let alone their entire building. So I'm glad I've had this random, wonderful  bunch of weirdos to live with and get to know better. Every single one of them, even the ones I don't speak to as often, has contributed something pretty great to the dorm dynamic, and being a person who can appreciate a heartwarming communal atmosphere every once in a while, I couldn't have gotten luckier with my dorm arrangement. Next year is really going to be hard, not being around them as much. But I'm glad we had this year. <3

You know friends are good friends when they get burgers with you for your birthday when your birthday is during finals

Snowed in, watching Broad City, stealing my dill chips, it's casual

Fancy dinners for fancy people (*jokes*)

A complicated arrangement in which the loser of  a Yu-Gi-Oh battle would also lose a game of Assasins. Idek. 

But yeah, as the year winds down, the work sure as hell doesn't. I'm going on my fourth hell week in a row. That's a month of non-stop ridiculousness that I've only barely gotten through. Just this past weekend, I pulled an all-nighter from Sunday to Monday trying to finish a paper for one of my classes, and even though it was cool to be able to take a shower at 7 AM but not have to wake up for it, I hadn't been that tired since graduation season. Actually that might be a lie, it was probably earlier this school year, but I try to block painful memories. Anyway, I'm just excited for the summer. For me, it officially starts May 4th, and I don't have to be back at school until the end of August. Somehow I feel like I'm cheating the system, with a break that long. But I mean, don't look a gift horse in the mouth, amiright?

As for next year, I have a few plans up my sleeve. I intend to rush a social Greek sorority, which will be stressful but fun. I'll also be the Features Editor for ROCKET, which will also be stressful, but I'm going to try my hardest to make it worth it. I don't know if I'll become a big and take a little for NKE during the fall, but I definitely will by the springtime. (Don't hold me to that, though, I feel like I don't yet know what I'm getting myself into....) Also! I did a piece for ROCKET about people who do shows for the campus radio station, and it fascinated me. I'm very intrigued, and I kind of want to try it out, even if I'm limited to playing only songs my parents will know because they'll be my only 2 loyal listeners. I'm cool with that. I just want to get involved, but we'll see. My goals for next year are to do well academically, and get super involved with extracurricular activities, like I was in high school. I don't know how to not be busy, what can I say? ;P

Pathways from the Wren towards my ***bright*** future

I'd end this post here, but I feel like my legions of loyal readers will be disappointed if I don't arbitrarily state my favorite songs at the moment. So here's a ~*brief*~ list.

Carry You - Phillip Larue
Barcelona - George Ezra
Slow Dancing - Two Worlds
Elizabeth Taylor - Clare Maguire
(Girl We Got A) Good Thing - Weezer
All Downhill from Here - The Summer Set (their entire new album, Stories for Monday, is amazing btw)
When Did Your Heart Go Missing? - Rooney (an oldie but a goodie)
Chronic (The Knocks High in Harajuku Remix) - Phoebe Ryan (I quite literally cannot stop myself from dancing to this, it's such a good remix)
Tilted - Christine and the Queens
Where You Are - Hillsong Young & Free (Sometimes Christian Rock has deceptively good beats also I didn't know this was a Christian song until just now)
Loch Lomond - Peter Hollens (an a cappella group on campus sings this as a senior goodbye song and it's absolutely stunning)
Send Me on My Way - Rusted Root
Come and Get It - John Newman
Can't Sleep Love - Pentatonix
WHERE THE HELL ARE MY FRIENDS - LANY (they capitalized it like that, not me. But I agree)
The entire new 1975 album, which I will review in full at a later time, but oh my GOD it is so GOOD (link is one of my favorite songs from it)
Post-Breakup Sex - The Vaccines
Teenage Idol - The Vaccines
Virgins - Death from Above 1979 (Sam, if you're reading this, I only know this band bc of you, so thanks)
White is Red - Death from Above 1979
All My Friends - Snakehips, Tinashe, Chance the Rapper
River - Leon Bridges
Gold - Kiiara
The Rules for Lovers - Richard Walters
Leave a Trace - CHVRCHES
Lemon Eyes - Meg Myers
All I Wanna Say - Lontalius

I'll stop here, for real now. Although I haven't recommended songs in so long, I could honestly keep going and make this ridiculously long post even more ridiculous. But I digress.

The important thing is...
 I'M BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER*

 (*overstatement, but like, whatever)

Save Your Youth For Later : High School Junior Edition

As (high school) midterms loom closer and closer, more and more of my peers are starting to lose it. Not in the literal, mental-breakdown kind of way, but in the "I have so much anxiety I might just explode" kind of way. As juniors, we have to make sure everything we do is impressive, if we ever hope to get into our dream colleges.It's a tough act to handle, because on top of juggling actual school work (which, admittedly, gets pretty overwhelming sometimes,) we also have to maintain leadership positions, actively volunteer within our community, and participate in at least one sport or club, if not more, (and in most cases, mine included, it's definitely more). Midterms are stressful because they factor in to your semester grades, and if you bomb them, you're in trouble. At such a young age we are expected to make sure our futures are solidified by excelling at everything, and as worth it as it is to get into college and finally begin the journey to the career of our choice, it's actually kind of sad to think of all the experiences we're missing out on while we're focusing so hard on making our resumes competitive. How many of us actually enjoy ALL of the extracurricular activities we participate in? Nearly everyone I know is a member of at least one club or is doing a particular sport solely based on how good it will look on college applications. That's more time given that we don't necessarily have, committed to something we aren't even passionate about.  The closer and closer I get to college, the more I almost resent it, because the idea of college has dictated my entire life ever since I was about 11 years old. That's 6 whole years and counting of my childhood, spent stressing out about college. There has to be a rule against that, somewhere, hopefully.  My parents observe the mental state of me and my peers and the exhaustion and anxiety we put ourselves through, and wonder what changed between their generation and ours, because they were never like this. I can only imagine what my children will be forced to endure in order to succeed. It's a scary thought, that's for sure.

**I am the original author of this post, but it will also be posted on Huffington Post Teen. 

Life - The Good, Bad, and Ugly Parts

Do you know what is simultaneously confusing and stressful? Life. As blunt as that is, it's true, and relevant. As a high school student, and an upperclassman, it's about time for me to start thinking seriously about what I want to do with the rest of my life, which in turn will lead me to deciding which college I want to go to. This is the conundrum of my generation, I'm telling you. Not only is it nearly impossible to narrow down what I actually like to do, it's downright  unfair to ask me to decide how to make that into a career. It also doesn't help that I live in an area where people don't prioritize happiness, because they're too focused on competing with each other for who has the better house, the better car, more money, the more high-end job, etc. When I was younger, I wanted to be chef. Then I realized I don't have the patience to even make toast, so that was out of the question. Then I wanted to be an author, until I came to the painful realization that unless you're J.K. Rowling or J.R.R. Tolkien, writing books isn't a very plentiful career choice. (That's another thing that bugs me - why can't I do the things that I love despite the fact that I won't make a terrible amount of money?) Anyway, after I nixed two career choices that actually made me happy, I started to think realistically. I did a little self-evaluation, and realized that I'm good at arguing, I'm a pretty good problem-solver, and I really want to help people. So, naturally, I decided I wanted to be a lawyer. Not only did it fit my personality almost perfectly, it would make good money, and eventually, lawyers become politicians who become president, which is always fun. But after about a year or two of being dead-set on becoming a lawyer, I thought about the amount of hours and never-ending work that went into becoming and working as a lawyer, and I was terrified of it all. And now, recently, I decided that film-making was my passion, and that was what I was going to do. I've been researching majors and schools that offer film studies and communications programs, and I joined the film club at my school for the sole purpose of exposing myself to the craft outside of making slideshows on my computer. But lo and behold, I've changed my mind again, today. I was laying on my bed and thinking about how my mother has told me before that I'm usually good at all the things I try, but if it doesn't come easy to me, I don't do it. Basically, I'm afraid of working hard for something, because I'm not used to having to do so. This isn't to brag or anything, but it's true, things usually come easy for me. It's also true that I don't usually have to try hard at much of anything. This is a problem. If I'm passionate about something, I need to work for it. Sometimes, it's going to be easy, and I'll welcome the ease. But I can't shy away from or quit things that are hard. So I've decided that maybe becoming a lawyer isn't so bad. It's literally the perfect career choice for me, and I can always minor in film studies. Then, once I've saved up enough money, I can take a hiatus from law and maybe make a movie or two. I can't do the things I want before doing the things I have to do, because life doesn't work that way. Even when I decided I wanted to be a filmmaker, I never totally gave up on the idea of becoming a lawyer, which goes to show that it's still a passion of mine. I think right now, I'm on an adolescent path of self-discovery, and it's okay to change my mind a million times. But at the same time, this is my future I'm debating, and I need to start getting serious.