It's Not a Rejection, but Let's Be Real

Without any kind of preface, I'm just going to come right out and say that I have been deferred from 2 out of 3 colleges that I applied to Early Action. I was accepted into the third school, which is great because not only did I get in, I got into the Honors Program, as well as receiving a research grant and scholarship money. WHICH IS NOTHING TO COMPLAIN ABOUT. I know this. But it wasn't my first choice school. I was deferred from my first choice, and I happened to find out about that deferral on the afternoon of my 18th birthday party, which kind of sucked. And then, this past Friday, the last day of my first semester of my final year of high school, I got the news that I'd been deferred from yet another school. To make matters just a little worse, I watched my social media feeds fill up with updates about how literally everyone else seemed to have gotten in.

Most of the time, I think my life would make a pretty funny sitcom, because usually things are happy-go-lucky and hilarious. But this moment would fit right in with all the other awkwardly tough moments every good sitcom has once in a while to keep things interesting. Honestly, the worst part was that I'd convinced myself that I was a shoo-in to get in. I wasn't, apparently. And I'm not going to lie and say it didn't affect me, because it totally did. I cried for hours, although not immediately after finding out. When I first found out, I was irrationally angry. Then, later on when I had to explain to my parents that I didn't officially get in to yet another school, I started to get emotional. I cried in my mom's arms like a child, because it felt like a SUPER HUGE jab to my self-esteem and self-worth. That night was a definite low for me, because I couldn't stop myself from feeling like I wasn't good enough, or smart enough, or talented in any way.

Thankfully, with the help of my super supportive parents and friends who are the best at giving pep talks, and a much needed night of sleep, I woke up the next day not nearly as torn apart about everything. I still masochistically checked  my social media, but throughout the day it got easier and easier to get over myself and think more positively. I keep having to remind myself that a deferral is NOT a rejection, although it isn't easy. But, when I got my first letter of deferral, my friend wisely told me something that I'd like to pass on to you - deferral isn't rejection, it's redirection. It's taken me until now to fully remember that quote, which I think is a sign that now, as I'm hashing out all the details for the world to see, I may finally be realizing that things aren't as bad as they seem. It may feel like nothing in my life is going exactly as planned, but as many seniors keep repeating to themselves, I'm going to be fine. I'm going to end up wherever I'm supposed to be, and everything is going to be okay. Everything is going to just fine. (Eventually.)

Save Your Youth For Later : High School Junior Edition

As (high school) midterms loom closer and closer, more and more of my peers are starting to lose it. Not in the literal, mental-breakdown kind of way, but in the "I have so much anxiety I might just explode" kind of way. As juniors, we have to make sure everything we do is impressive, if we ever hope to get into our dream colleges.It's a tough act to handle, because on top of juggling actual school work (which, admittedly, gets pretty overwhelming sometimes,) we also have to maintain leadership positions, actively volunteer within our community, and participate in at least one sport or club, if not more, (and in most cases, mine included, it's definitely more). Midterms are stressful because they factor in to your semester grades, and if you bomb them, you're in trouble. At such a young age we are expected to make sure our futures are solidified by excelling at everything, and as worth it as it is to get into college and finally begin the journey to the career of our choice, it's actually kind of sad to think of all the experiences we're missing out on while we're focusing so hard on making our resumes competitive. How many of us actually enjoy ALL of the extracurricular activities we participate in? Nearly everyone I know is a member of at least one club or is doing a particular sport solely based on how good it will look on college applications. That's more time given that we don't necessarily have, committed to something we aren't even passionate about.  The closer and closer I get to college, the more I almost resent it, because the idea of college has dictated my entire life ever since I was about 11 years old. That's 6 whole years and counting of my childhood, spent stressing out about college. There has to be a rule against that, somewhere, hopefully.  My parents observe the mental state of me and my peers and the exhaustion and anxiety we put ourselves through, and wonder what changed between their generation and ours, because they were never like this. I can only imagine what my children will be forced to endure in order to succeed. It's a scary thought, that's for sure.

**I am the original author of this post, but it will also be posted on Huffington Post Teen.